Compilation Of Michael's Best Jokes About Babies And Toddlers | Michael McIntyre

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  • Published on May 29, 2019
  • Trying to make a baby, overdue baby, playgroup and teaching babies to walk and talk.
    Website: www.michaelmcintyre.co.uk/
    Facebook: TheMichaelMcIntyre/
    Twitter: @McInTweet
    #MichaelMcIntyre #Babies
  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 178

  • Em & J
    Em & J Day ago

    X-ray

  • Ben Stephen
    Ben Stephen 3 days ago

    If he answered 'no' to 'do you not NOT want to go to bed?' that would mean he didn't want to go to bed

  • Sharon Mullins
    Sharon Mullins 9 days ago +2

    The camera person must go crazy with him. So funny, but a bit hyper.

  • Eleanor Jolley
    Eleanor Jolley 9 days ago +1

    The curry and sex line was the funniest 🤣🤣🤣

  • lucy Johnson
    lucy Johnson 10 days ago +1

    When they only dsy no you offer sweets n ice cream they say no mummy n daddy get them 😆

  • lucy Johnson
    lucy Johnson 10 days ago +1

    My boy couldn't say superhero went round asking g for shitinaboat

  • Reny Putman
    Reny Putman 11 days ago +5

    I remember my mum telling me what my first word was. Mama and papa are the Dutch words for mum and dad. Turns out the first word that came out of my mouth was mapa. So when I yelled MAPA I'd basically ask both my parents to come.

  • Rosy Boa
    Rosy Boa 13 days ago

    Sex, Guinness, Thai food, hot tub = American formula

  • Mariank Gonzalez
    Mariank Gonzalez 14 days ago +1

    No turkey no car should be a song. XD

  • chrispin HK
    chrispin HK 17 days ago

    Once my fd's 5-year-old daughter asked him to help with her homework. He had to think of a word for every alphabet. When it came to Q, my fd said Q for killer!

  • chrispin HK
    chrispin HK 17 days ago

    who else google what a xylophone is😅

  • Blue Wolf Pajamas
    Blue Wolf Pajamas 18 days ago +1

    *_Joooooooooos_*

  • Full Time Blues! !
    Full Time Blues! ! 18 days ago

    G, for *gnome*

  • Angela Arbab
    Angela Arbab 18 days ago +1

    The french part had me loling

  • Lukáš Oťapka
    Lukáš Oťapka 19 days ago +2

    159 dislikes from the Juice

  • Violet Candy
    Violet Candy 20 days ago +4

    A for antidisestablishmentarianism

  • Mad9977 Productions
    Mad9977 Productions 22 days ago +8

    "sorry i was busy" 😂

  • Cat S
    Cat S 23 days ago +4

    I had a woman on the phone say, 'Y' for 'U'. She meant Y for you of course but it did take me a moment

  • Linda Jean
    Linda Jean 25 days ago +1

    what does "On the lion" mean?

    • Maria G
      Maria G 13 days ago

      Or a lion ... never wake a sleeping lion

  • Jac Crystal
    Jac Crystal 29 days ago

    'humour' as an instrument of evil at those all too easily corrupted

  • MissYunichan
    MissYunichan 29 days ago +4

    He's French accent is so good !!

  • natral skitsophrenia
    natral skitsophrenia Month ago +18

    XD the random man in the audience calling out "Curry!" X3

  • Kian Olner
    Kian Olner Month ago +9

    P for pterodactyl

  • Ruby Red
    Ruby Red Month ago

    I'm watching this for like the 400th time lol x

  • Nadiaaa
    Nadiaaa Month ago +4

    That was the quickest 10 minutes of my life

  • steven davis
    steven davis Month ago

    If this Git, had a stage of approximately 2m square , he wouldn’t have an act .

    • Mr 5
      Mr 5 29 days ago +2

      Salty?

  • James Pelletier
    James Pelletier Month ago

    You: N for nigger
    *Shit!*
    Them: ...excuse me?

  • Abby mcjane
    Abby mcjane Month ago +2

    When you can play xylophone...

  • xxylenn
    xxylenn Month ago +2

    Hitler in a store be like

  • Gabrielle Warburton
    Gabrielle Warburton Month ago +2

    I think it's called champagne problems lol

  • ROSSELLA DI PEDE
    ROSSELLA DI PEDE Month ago +14

    I’ve just discovered this amazing comic, and now I can’t stop watching his videos... I’m laughing my head off 😂😂😂

  • Tiffany
    Tiffany Month ago

    A for Aisle, B for Bravo, C for Cue, D for Double-u, E for Eye, F for Four, G for Gnat, H for Honor, I for Ian, J for Jalapeno, K for Knight, L for Lima, M for Mnemonic, N for Nine, O for Ouija, P for Phrase, Q for Queue, R for Row, S for Sea, T for Tsunami, U for Urge, V for View, W for Why, X for Xylophone, Y for You, Z for Zoo.

  • deniseg812
    deniseg812 2 months ago +1

    Babies learn one motor skill over the other.

  • Greedyface354 Greedyface3543

    He’s not French he’s German

  • Susan Gloag
    Susan Gloag 2 months ago +2

    Dancing and moving furniture works too.

  • Irene Kim
    Irene Kim 2 months ago

    The thing that gets me with toddlers how you make them their favorite dish for dinner. After you make the damn dish, they refuse to eat. Then want something else to eat... You basically yell at them and say, THIS ISN'T A FUCKING MCDONALD'S. Do to the exhaustion that one feels. I have done it. It takes close to 15 min to convince them to eat the dinner in front of them.

  • Liza Doolittle
    Liza Doolittle 2 months ago +3

    I love the curtain between the different jokes😍

  • AwstheticBunny
    AwstheticBunny 2 months ago +41

    I am so happy I found this dude. Best comedian EVER!

  • Tabetha Howell
    Tabetha Howell 2 months ago +4

    He really is fantastic

  • Ben Mitchell
    Ben Mitchell 2 months ago +11

    "Nooooo Jeeewwws" 😂😂

  • Sarah
    Sarah 2 months ago +2

    *G* for _GNOME_

  • Alex Smith
    Alex Smith 2 months ago +2

    Saying no to do you not not want to go to bed still means you do not want to go to bed

  • Hullo There
    Hullo There 2 months ago +8

    Being Jewish myself this is really funny;)😘

  • The dabu2dabu
    The dabu2dabu 2 months ago

    What an exceptionally mediocre comedian.

  • Queen of dogs
    Queen of dogs 2 months ago +2

    N for n-n-n darling any help
    Ahhhh knickers

  • Beck
    Beck 2 months ago +3

    I couldn’t stop laughing the whole vid omg 🤣

  • Tip Aly
    Tip Aly 2 months ago

    I couldn’t say truck, some how fire truck became fire fuck.....

  • Hannah Jardine
    Hannah Jardine 2 months ago +20

    My little brother says no all the time! It’s so funny he’s 18 months and it’s so cute 🤣 and Micheal is so funnyand what he says is so true as well 🤣😂🤣😂

  • Ivy Nyako-Agyakwa
    Ivy Nyako-Agyakwa 2 months ago

    1:56 🤣🤣🤣

  • Mini Me
    Mini Me 2 months ago +1

    I love Michael McIntyre but he does do too much stuff on children and babies.
    Not everybody has them, so cannot find it funny, keep it general 👍

    • Mini Me
      Mini Me 2 months ago

      @Rebecca W That is such a stupid thing to say. Give me strength.

    • Rebecca W
      Rebecca W 2 months ago

      But you have been a child, Mini Me. So relate. 🙄

    • Mini Me
      Mini Me 2 months ago

      And now all I have in my TheXvid recommended is bloody stories about babies 😡🤬 I don't care FFS 🙄

  • Ed Tulborn
    Ed Tulborn 2 months ago +2

    Is michael strait

  • Sarah Price
    Sarah Price 2 months ago +20

    I mean it's the oxytocin level that induces labour also produced by the body eating spicy food and having sex.

  • Corentin Thibaudeau
    Corentin Thibaudeau 2 months ago +10

    It should be X for Xanax lol
    "You'll need that when you grow up love"

  • Jem. grice
    Jem. grice 2 months ago +28

    6:52 “It’s snowing In August” Michaels been watching Nanny McPhee

  • Mister Physics
    Mister Physics 2 months ago +2

    Men are fertile every fucking day, it's not worth a fucking clap, and his wife created both boys on her own, Michael, your contribution was 10cc's of snot. She risked her life, you risked fuck all.

  • Tricorvus
    Tricorvus 2 months ago +3

    Have you seen the Boston hornbook Primer? "Xerxes the Great did die; and so muft you and I". At least Xylophone is cheery XD XP

  • Raz
    Raz 2 months ago +1

    N for nibba

  • tiptoes209
    tiptoes209 2 months ago

    K for knee, p for pneumonia, o for opossum....

  • Mortamarmorgan
    Mortamarmorgan 2 months ago +2

    “G” for “nome”

    • Nick Winz
      Nick Winz 2 months ago

      Might get wooooshed for this, but...
      Garden Gnome

  • Erin Schweikart
    Erin Schweikart 3 months ago +62

    I worked with a lady who was Native American. In her native language the word for cold sounds like "ah jew" She said when she took her son to the doctor her son kept saying he was cold in their native tongue. The doctor was Jewish. She had to explain to the doctor what her son was actually saying. Kids and language barriers, you gotta love it! :-)