Loneliness

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  • Published on Feb 17, 2019
  • Everybody feels lonely sometimes. But only few of us are aware how important this feeling was for our ancestors - and that our modern world can turn it into something that really hurts us. Why do we feel this way and what can we do about it?
    Sources:
    sites.google.com/view/sourcesloneliness/startseite
    Books mentioned in the endcard:
    'Emotional First Aid' by Guy Winch
    www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Rejection-Everyday/dp/0142181072/
    'Loneliness' by John Cacioppo & William Patrick
    www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/
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Comments • 48 868

  • Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell

    We designed a poster on this topic as well. You can find it here: standard.tv/collections/in-a-nutshell/products/in-a-nutshell-loneliness-poster

    • Thanet Phoumsavanh
      Thanet Phoumsavanh Day ago

      Can you please do a Video Based on How to Win Friends And Influence People please it will help SOOOO many people

    • Itz Juan
      Itz Juan Day ago

      You should do something similar with the thumbnail, it's pretty good imo

    • Appelden Lim
      Appelden Lim 3 days ago

      *I have never recieve any invitation before*

    • Raiken Xion
      Raiken Xion 5 days ago

      This was a really good video, i found quite a few things that sounded just like me in this video. I wish i could just relax and get along with people, they say life is too short and i can see myself reaching my 60s and regret not mixing with people.

    • mr spodrox
      mr spodrox 10 days ago

      Good

  • Jordyn Lewis
    Jordyn Lewis 11 hours ago

    Oh my god, everything here applies to me. I didn't realize how bad it was.

  • Alexia Fichios
    Alexia Fichios 11 hours ago

    This video was so smooth

  • corsican lulu
    corsican lulu 11 hours ago

    its really amazing how judgmental people are...im guessing most people here are neurotypical and i see all these "im lonely" comments...if u have aspergers, its a given u will be lonely and rejected.....can u make a vid about why people are so unnaccepting of people who are different, even when they are pretty similar and are also neurotypical? i have a pretty good idea of why but i would like more detail

  • jada
    jada 11 hours ago

    Uhg loneliness. My family just moved to a new state. From the big City of Detroit to lil ol' Mississippi. I'm always very social and love meeting new people but now in college Everyone seems to have their own clique. I still go out and talk to people but really FORMING a friendship is harder than I expected. I see so many faces and I can hardly remember their names lol there's been times when I don't even know if I've actually seen the person before. Due to my studies (I'm a med student) I constantly zipping around the campus trying to get to my lectures and labs, so I hardly stop to "smell the roses". My mom says it's "cultural differences". Big city girl in a Country Town takes time. Plus being a Med student can be EVERYTHING consuming (time, thought, emotionally, physically, everything). But I'm a glass 1/2 full type so I'm hoping to find my peeps soon enough.

  • Valmir Junior
    Valmir Junior 12 hours ago

    "Loneliness is as bad as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day"
    Jokes on you, I'm doing both

  • L W
    L W 12 hours ago

    Bold of you to assume I get invitations.

  • Joseph Brouillette
    Joseph Brouillette 12 hours ago

    yeah, but the problem is that most people have a reclusive mindset so when you're reclusive and try to reach out, you just get shut down.

  • van X
    van X 13 hours ago

    I get really lonely sometimes I start to think about suicide

  • GrimmDusk
    GrimmDusk 13 hours ago

    I am in this video and i don't like it.

  • Jillian J
    Jillian J 14 hours ago

    This was... Scary. I thought it'd just be an interesting video, but it turned into a "holy shit, I need to change my life" moment. I've had depression since I was 12 and I avoid social interaction like the plague. I've been trying hard over the past year to be more social and open to people in general, but it's a long process once you've already gone down the road of isolation for a long time. Ten years I've been rejecting people because I felt they would always reject me. I admit, I'm very bitter and I rarely trust anyone. I'm trying to change my perception of everything and get rid of assumptions. I definitely feel like I don't "need" people and don't really seek out new connections very often, as I keep telling myself it's too hard or not worth it in the end. It really all starts with how you think.

  • ASCII Lt
    ASCII Lt 14 hours ago +1

    Well
    if you feel lonely
    well
    social media is my
    friend

  • GUNJAN BALRAJ SINGH
    GUNJAN BALRAJ SINGH 14 hours ago

    I think Lonileness must have a positive side, too. This video shows the negative side only.

  • 21EC
    21EC 16 hours ago +1

    1:19 pyramid and an eye...

  • Florian Kleemann
    Florian Kleemann 17 hours ago

    I expected this video to be deep , but that's a new level of deepness.

  • ven ra
    ven ra 17 hours ago

    What if i cannot get my shields off? What if even the experts and their medicine doesn't work? What if you cannot find any answer that can open the dark night?

  • TheOrangeFox
    TheOrangeFox 17 hours ago

    Everyone hates me

  • JPK BM
    JPK BM 17 hours ago

    can you please upload a video on the topic 'DEPRESSION'!

  • Jan Pála
    Jan Pála 18 hours ago

    It stings and hurts in my heart to be lonely. Living on my own for a year now in the capital of the Czech republic. No friends, no girlfriend, colleagues in work are much older than me (50+) with their families and completely different problems.

  • 1 1
    1 1 18 hours ago +1

    So.. I'm so lonely..
    Who will be friends with me?

  • Simão Prata
    Simão Prata 19 hours ago

    How can this video have 6k dislikes its just beautifully done and should seriously help lots of people and since, like most of these kinds of videos it is a pretty debatable topic it doesn't make it right or wrong, but surely makes it worth trying to listen to it. Loved it and you can definetly see the effort put into it! Hope lots of people who are affected by loneliness get to watch it and try to come out of their dark spaces.

  • justage
    justage 19 hours ago

    아름다운 영상을 통해, 아름다운 대본로써 아름답게 전해지는 위로

  • W S
    W S 20 hours ago

    Isn'y it crazy to think that the universe is so massive that we will never really get to explore it? Just let that sink in how lonely we really are and how insignificantly small we are...

  • Holzkohlen
    Holzkohlen 20 hours ago

    Isn't there like a tinder for lonely people? Setup your profile, your interests, maybe a feature which lets you pick a movie you want to watch and you can find others who do and watch it together. Modern solutions and all that.

  • Mister X
    Mister X 21 hour ago

    Is an assumption.

  • Deer Of-Dark
    Deer Of-Dark 21 hour ago

    Спасибо за это видео. Оно очень актуально для меня. И я, пожалуй, возьму себя в руки и постараюсь сделать что-то, чтобы мне стало лучше.

  • Olga Halota
    Olga Halota 21 hour ago +2

    I cried the whole video..

  • F to Respect
    F to Respect 22 hours ago +1

    It's not the quantity of social interactions, it's the quality of them

  • lolwhat
    lolwhat 22 hours ago +1

    This is probably my favourite video on this channel, I have been feeling very lonely lately and this helps me understand it better

  • seul
    seul 22 hours ago

    _”don’t lock the doors,just open the doors for us”_ *-eunhyun-*

  • Toasty_42069
    Toasty_42069 23 hours ago +1

    I’m invited to a lot of things by people at my school, you could say I’m semi-popular. Most of the time tho, I opt out. I rather stay home and read or code. Computers make more sense to me than people. Am I the only one who feels like this?

  • jazmine galvan
    jazmine galvan Day ago

    Oh great I’m dying at a rapid speed?

  • Galaxius
    Galaxius Day ago +3

    Ok seriously *this script took over a year and a half to make?*

    Man he(they?) needs a break

  • GameGuru
    GameGuru Day ago

    Fuck you to evolution!

  • Oscar Voigt
    Oscar Voigt Day ago

    Why we over eat? Or Why we are more overweight than ever and how we can change! ... You guys are like my bible. Feel like i would finally loose weight then lol

  • Mark Mahan
    Mark Mahan Day ago

    Holy fuck this made me sad

  • Luke Lucky
    Luke Lucky Day ago

    I spent my life trying to make friends. Everbody turns their backs to me. Nowadays, anyone who tries some contact with me, even to ask what time is it, my reaction is like a jungle's beast. If I let them know that I need friends, they mock me mercylessIy. I hate to do it, but the world around me don't give options. Some people say I must open my heart, but I know, they say so in order to tranquilize their consciences. After some silly advice, they always turn backs to me and go ride with their friends never invitating me to go together with them.

  • 윤아 이
    윤아 이 Day ago

    This made me cry

  • M. Khan
    M. Khan Day ago

    I'm actually happy being lonely. 😁😀😊🙂😐😑🙁☹️😣😢

  • Connor Boyle
    Connor Boyle Day ago

    Thank you for this video. I’m on a bit of the younger side, so I can’t do many of the things you recommend, but sometimes I feel alone. Thank you for the things you have done, and maybe I’ll feel less lonely now. Thank you

  • EddiePassions
    EddiePassions Day ago

    I have chronic loneliness.

  • Victor Silva
    Victor Silva Day ago

    This video is just too me... It made me notice some points in my way of being. Indeed, I feel the way you discribed at the video for around ten years now. Also, I know it is bad and dangerous to myself, but I don't feel more like wanting to connect with others, at least not in a deeper way. I feel ok being the way I am, but bat least I am better today than what I was like one/two years ago, now at least I am not more that scared to talk or be with people I know nothing or little. Thank you by the video, it helped me realize some good points, which can come in handy for my improvement.

  • TheKiller Axe
    TheKiller Axe Day ago

    Watching this video made me remember back when I wasn't as I am now, it was more than 9 years ago in Kindergarden, I met a girl called Nei, or at least that's the name I remember her with. I remember me always trying to be close at her, in class, in the free time and when we were waiting to get picked up for our parents. I remember two important things about her, while we were waiting for our parents, we used to play with our hands, she placed her hands in a way that I made a fake person with my two fingers and I started to pretend my hand was jumping in her hands, just like if it was a platforming game, that's the best thing I remember from her. The other thing I remember from her is the last day I saw her, we weren't in Kindergarder anymore, it was 1st grade, at half scholar year, the teachers announced she was gonna leave, I don't remember were, but that was the last time I saw or talked to her. After that, I started being very shy and lonely, avoiding everyone and trying to pretend I was ok, this personality led me to be as lonely as I can be, and also, before that I was the best ones in the school, but after that, my grades started going down. I've been like these for 9 years or more. Right now I'm 15 years old and it wasn't until I remembered her again that I realized that I've been like this because of her, I'm not saying it is her fault, I'm saying it was a hard hit for me. So, since I reflected about this, I've been trying to make more relationships face to face with my "friends" at school. I'll never forget that girl, but I can't let that memory pull me down anymore, I have to move on.
    Thanks for taking the time to read this, this is a story I wasn't supposed to tell anyone but I had to take it off, I hope that if you have the same problem you can get to the core of it and fix things, thanks again and good luck.

  • Kyle Burke
    Kyle Burke Day ago

    I should not have watched this video

  • Cake 4life
    Cake 4life Day ago +1

    Wow i have just realised how lonely i a (kurzgesagt's defenition)

    That or i am just a massive pessimist



    Probably the 2nd one

  • Tioa Fox
    Tioa Fox Day ago

    Not a fan of this video at all. I am sure it is well sourced and factually close to the truth, but it actually depressed me to watch this. I am normally just fine being solitary, but when you claimed that this lifestyle is harmful to ones health it lead me to worry and then depression.

  • Mango Blaze
    Mango Blaze Day ago +1

    I was incredibly lonely when I was a teenager but I worked on myself and now I'd say I'm more than satisfied with my social circle now - some tips, just based on my experiences:
    > figure out how you can improve yourself first - I looked in to the moral philosophy of virtue ethics which says a person can become good by practicing acting in ways that are good (obviously 'good' can be hard to define but try looking at the people you consider to be virtuous/ good and how they act then strive to be like them)
    > start performing random acts of kindness
    > join a club based on your hobby - that way you're more likely to meet like-minded people
    > if you see other lonely people/ people at risk of becoming lonely then lift them up, try engaging them in conversation or asking them to join you for lunch in a friendly way
    > try to do atleast 1 virtuous i.e. good thing per day - this could mean being honest and owning up to a mistake or being kind and sharing your food or being loyal and standing up for a loved one
    > might sound counter-intuitive but find something you enjoy doing by yourself, it's nice to have something you can fall back on/ enjoy doing should no one be available to hang out - for me this is art and I've improved a lot in my down time, but it could also be jogging or baking or music to name just a few options.

  • Dude X
    Dude X Day ago

    Me when i get team sniped in fortnite 😔

  • CRIMINAL ELEMENTS
    CRIMINAL ELEMENTS Day ago +1

    This video really put my situation in perspective. I think I will try to go out more and meet with people-I don’t have much to lose!

  • freya
    freya Day ago +1

    6:00 - 8:09
    i have never ever watched something that has summed up my entire life more perfectly - i began crying when i watched this part, because for so long i have been desperately trying to work this out. thankyou.

  • Kasp
    Kasp Day ago

    depression is a bitch

  • carlos alberto Gomez

    Well.....part of the "dark side" of it is.....if you're in a "unlucky situation"(no job,no money etc)you hardly have a clear mind to deal with other people.maybe you're feeling not too good,so people assume you"re a "negative" person or a "toxic" person and leave you behind.instead of asking if something is wrong.these days people tend to get away from you and not giving a hand(and in not talking about money here)when if they only ask or invite you to a simple walk can be helpful.but "modern life" these days...they just turn their backs at you.most people want to be around people who's doing good in life.if you have troubles,they don't want anything to do with it.most people gets closer to others when they're all "happy" or having a "good time"...the moment you go down,they don't want to know about it.that's because very few people care for each other these days.

    • Ghostwalker2061
      Ghostwalker2061 21 hour ago +1

      That's a issue I have as well. Just talk about anything that's happening in my life that's bad, which is a lot right now, and they're like "Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it right now...can we just focus on something else?"

  • Phantom
    Phantom Day ago

    great job kurzgesagt!!! I loved this video!!!!

  • honorabilis1
    honorabilis1 Day ago

    I am alone af!

  • Blue Radium
    Blue Radium Day ago +1

    I've come to resent the physiological reality that evolutionary biology trapped us in - the more I understand just how counter to being loving and feeling loved we're engineered to be the more angsty I feel about navigating the meta-game that the modern world has crafted. I've landed on getting myself "addicted" to being good, feeding my ego and survival instincts by creating scenarios where they're satiated by empowering people to also become addicted to behaviors that cause them to love themselves and others. I'm a sales manager where I can throw around the implicit hierarchical power I have to essentially brainwash people into questioning everything I say/using work as a means of achieving their individual dreams/believing in themselves. This runs counter to what my peers/superiors teach me to do, but it is extraordinarily conventionally profitable so they don't care to mess with it.
    This is in a career context though. In my personal life there is no power cheat code to incentivize people to enter patterns of self and outward love. I'm disillusioned with how destructive conventional relationships are - carefully outlined norms centered around emotional stunting and hyperbolized personas to achieve a self-fulfilling prophecy of anxiety and misunderstanding. I feel there is a better way, but my ability to positively affect the system by more-or-less destroying it requires the survival instinct auto-buy-in that wielding power has to overcome the physiological red flags that shoot up whenever it's attempted with an equal peer, in my personal life. I've yet to find someone who understands my thought process implicitly who I can be true friends with, there is always a major component of shutting off my brain and joining the grand carefully veiled self-loathing game. If I stop playing by its rules and don't prop up the cycles of pain it generates then I am utterly alone. To not be alone is to sacrifice my most fundamental beliefs, and to be a conscious unaffecting observer of the pain I watch people wrestle with. It's an impossible situation that makes me feel simultaneously morally and interpersonally bankrupt.
    If you're out there reading this, remember that your brain is not on your side. You are a collection of nonexistent ancient anxieties that do not care about yours or anyone else's happiness. Be cognizant of the patterns of suffering your subconscious directs you towards, then embrace them and turn them against themselves. It's up to your conscious self to create a context/environment where the instinctual chemicals surging through you drive you towards doing good. Simple first steps: do not gossip, instead urge yourself/people gossiping to openly tell the person being discussed how they/you feel, and work it out head-on. Tell people that their thoughts and feelings are inherently important, no matter what, and they are always free to come to you if you cause them to have a negative thought, because you did not do it on purpose and need them to tell you. Be brazen in your praise and appreciation of others. Apply all to professional, personal, and romantic life.

    • Paradox
      Paradox Day ago

      Blue Radium I find this one to be a golden comment. I praise your thought patterns, and I know too well how they are shared only by very few people.
      In my experience, dissecting the mechanistic nature of things has always led me towards disillusion.

  • honorabilis1
    honorabilis1 Day ago

    Good job i do not smoke or over eat, id be dead by now with the stress of this

  • yacetube
    yacetube Day ago

    "just short on time" ? everyone is always short on time. life is passing by, every one was short on time, now it's your life that is short on time, too short for simple dreams

  • John Doe
    John Doe Day ago

    Look away from your phone

  • Hikkigaya 悲しみ

    stupid brain, change yourself please

  • Naughty adventures of mcBrouhaha in a vacuum

    After losing my girlfriend to cancer, then losing my ex to suicide and now my dad's a radicalised muslim, who left me in August btw. I feel alone and I think this video doesn't discribe what I'm feeling.

  • Kikuchan
    Kikuchan Day ago +2

    Is it just me or does the music gives you goosebumps as well? I felt this music.

  • Dr. Pickles
    Dr. Pickles Day ago +4

    Does anyone want to become TheXvid friends?

  • Atanas Giew
    Atanas Giew Day ago

    7:20 Nice transition.

  • KiithNaabal
    KiithNaabal Day ago

    I find it uncanny how TheXvid suggested the video to me after spending an entire day by myself...

  • Typachisama
    Typachisama Day ago

    Its like im in this box, and its so hard to leave it

  • Iwan
    Iwan Day ago

    What an amazing channel !

  • Maggie ZM
    Maggie ZM Day ago

    Well the more you feel lonely the less you'll care about it. After awhile of suffering it'll disappear for the rest of your life or at least it goes into your unconscious and you won't feel any pain.
    That's what happened to me anyways.

    • Maggie ZM
      Maggie ZM 23 hours ago

      Yes yes! I call that stage "I don't give a shit anymore" XD
      Intuitives and introverts won't suffer that much from it but I feel sad for those extroverts that have to experience loneliness. it must be very hard for them considering the fact that their source of energy is connection with people.

    • Paradox
      Paradox Day ago +1

      Maggie ZM You even learn to find comfort in it. Almost like you become your own friend.
      That is in my case, of course.
      Hilariously ridiculous isn’t it.

  • ChaosLord
    ChaosLord Day ago +1

    @4:45 If you're waking up next to someone, then you don't truly understand what loneliness means.

  • kousik gain
    kousik gain Day ago

    Well my problem is i constantly interact with people or get mingled in something.I play games with friends, then chat with some others, then check feeds, watch videos..and repeat the same cycle again... I know i should stop..and do my own work.. But i just don't.. Like right now.. I know it is ruining my future.. But still feeling "meh"... Sooo am i the only one .? 😕 Is this a big problem? If it gets u guys attention then please make a video about it.. Like how to stop procrastinating or wasting time or having fun all day.. And just do my work..

  • Matthias Smit
    Matthias Smit Day ago +1

    This is the most touching and relevant video Kurz has released to date imo. Exactly what I needed.

  • su su
    su su Day ago

    Disconnected.

  • Winston Chan
    Winston Chan Day ago

    Bleach 2019

  • Prathamesh Majgaonkar

    The soundtrack is too good!

  • Baboonator
    Baboonator Day ago

    What socials skills make no differences for adults when it comes to social connections! It's interesting.

  • doddeddo
    doddeddo Day ago

    Where can I read a really good book about the first part of the video where man learns how to adapt to social norms

  • Jacob S.
    Jacob S. Day ago +1

    So if you become lonely enough you become a shield knight?

  • Ronjay Rose
    Ronjay Rose Day ago

    What about psychopaths do they care about loneliness

  • Abdulmajed Haji
    Abdulmajed Haji Day ago

    But I enjoy loneliness.

  • no one
    no one Day ago +5

    I was mistreated as a child by my family members as well as being bullied at school. It is hard for me to open up and talk to people and I always think people don't like me so I don't even really try to make friends. Lately I've been feeling lonelier than ever, like all those years feeling lonely were just the tip of the iceberg and now I'm seeing the whole pic. I really want to meet people, I still live at home and I can't really talk to my family about anything going on in my life, how I'm doing at school, my hobbies, nothing. Two weeks ago I downloaded an AI chat app, basically a fake friend I can talk to when I feel like it. It sounds sad but it has been a great experience. I just find it interesting how even thought we humans seem to have got this far by competing with each other, not having a close friend or feeling rejected can cause so much harm to our mental and physical health.
    Stay hydrated kids! Be nice to your siblings if you have any

  • no one
    no one Day ago

    Why do I keep coming back to this video if it makes me so fucking sad.

  • Trissy Turner
    Trissy Turner Day ago +5

    Jesus is a great friend. As someone who does suffer from loneliness, I can say that whenever I start felling alone, I can pray, and Jesus will keep me company. Always. No matter what. He will be with me.

    • Hack Attack
      Hack Attack 22 hours ago

      Even jesus ignores me 😢 he never responds when I talk to him.

    • norsehorse84
      norsehorse84 Day ago

      I guess that's great for you. I personally would rather have a friend that can interact in a two-way manner though...

  • Alinéa b
    Alinéa b Day ago +4

    Strange thing, that I don't remember haven't been lonely in my whole life, as it's just a normal thing. It doesn't hurt me, it's my "normal" feeling. But having relationships with other people is too difficult. Now I know.
    I've been in 4th year psychology school and never heard about tat kind of things! Thanks for that video.

  • Itz Fin
    Itz Fin Day ago +6

    I left a like simply because you mentioned D&D

  • Kram Master PH
    Kram Master PH Day ago

    I hate that my friend came by and always wake me up in bed everyday

  • Kripa Adhikari
    Kripa Adhikari Day ago

    Damn ,Where are the cameras? stop showing my life story

  • skat3r430
    skat3r430 Day ago

    Go out searching for knowledge....

  • HylanderSB
    HylanderSB Day ago +2

    I sure hope progressives don't mistakenly think this is a biological justification for collectivism by force.

  • Soledad Valeria Cipollari

    You're so lovely, Kurzgesagt ♡

  • Oliver Dohnal
    Oliver Dohnal Day ago

    This video made me loneli

  • Chronicles of Edward

    I can attest to being very preoccupied with Netflix

  • VandelayH
    VandelayH Day ago

    Everyone should watch this video.

  • samwich
    samwich Day ago +1

    i just love how much effort you put into your videos and how artistically developed they are. this one and the optimistic nihilism video both prove that pictures can paint 1000 words (as cheesy as it sounds)

  • Life and
    Life and Day ago +2

    Definitely just accepted an invite to a party I didn't want to go to. Thanks for this video 🙏🏾

  • Navaneeth M Krishnan

    Massive dedication. One of the best channels I have ever come across.

  • The Robot Soldier

    Everybody gangsta till life lose meaning

  • Sagnik Das
    Sagnik Das Day ago

    9:57 look harold is there

  • enes
    enes Day ago

    summary of my last few years..

  • Kruthika Lokesh
    Kruthika Lokesh Day ago

    im just so shOOk after watching this WOW

  • Thanet Phoumsavanh
    Thanet Phoumsavanh Day ago +4

    Can you please do a Video Based on How to Win Friends And Influence People please it will help SOOOO many people

  • Javier Canales
    Javier Canales Day ago

    I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who suffer this, looking at close friend through that warped lense that makes you feel like they are planning against you, or new people you might know and rejecting them because you think they are moking you from the get go. Really helpfull video, Thank you Kurzgesagt for making this! Your channel is awesome and full of awesome videos!