Times I should've realized I was autistic

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  • Published on May 11, 2022
  • since finishing this video ive been officially diagnosed so ye B)
    more resources:
    - ASD in adults: www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/...
    - RAADS-R Test: embrace-autism.com/raads-r/#W...
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Comments • 12 159

  • illymation
    illymation  16 days ago +8706

    hi I’m sorry I didn’t do a good job explaining what I meant when it came to self diagnosis - it is valid and I self-dx’d myself for the longest time because my past therapist (who was not educated on autism at all) refused to have me evaluated because she said I “didn’t look autistic.” I saw a new psych who actually studies autism, and I was properly diagnosed. The point I meant to make was: self diagnosing and faking a disability are two different things that I feel become conflated by others who aren’t in our position - because they have access to diagnostics and doctors who listen. And I only “agree” that self diagnosing is wrong if someone is knowingly faking a disability. I used the fake service dog scenario to illustrate this because this is a common issue my friend in the video experiences way too often: people claiming to need a service dog, so they buy a fake vest online, put it on their untrained pet, and that untrained pet will attack and pick fights with my friend’s service dog, sometimes resulting in her and her actual service dog getting denied service places. This is the behavior I’m against- KNOWINGLY faking a disability; not self diagnosing. Thanks!

    • Roopnarine Singh
      Roopnarine Singh 6 hours ago

      @illymation it is on steam

    • Roopnarine Singh
      Roopnarine Singh 6 hours ago

      @illymation hey can you play Just shapes and beats

    • Roxanne Harris
      Roxanne Harris 7 hours ago

      Yeah I hate jeans to.

    • Black Panther
      Black Panther Day ago

      Lilly as someone who’s also on the spectrum as well I’ve been doing pretty okay with my life I have high functioning autism and I’ve learned to accept it and I like it but I don’t know what my symptoms are exactly but I was diagnosed with high functioning autism when I was five or seven and I’m 24 now and I have a pretty great impact on this world of ours also thank you for always being there for us your so laidback funny sweet kind caring outgoing friendly intelligent independent and I love your videos drawings and animations thank you again and remember to always stay positive safe and strong and be the hero of your own story Lilly😇😊💛🧡

    • H0PL3$$
      H0PL3$$  Day ago

      @Jose Franco You sure about that? Some people self diagnose and it turned out that they actually had it. All I'm sayin is your not 100% right....

  • Hopeless Peaches
    Hopeless Peaches 16 days ago +7215

    I can relate to needing headphones and getting weirded out at specific things. My parents used to keep asking why I needed headphones everywhere I went, but that's because they didn't see that when I was alone walking the dog, or on the train, the sounds of other people or sounds of rustling really got me upset and wanna escape home OOF.
    I don't know if that means I have autism per say, but I can relate to a good chunk of this video. But I also know I've had untreated depression since I was little, and got a prognosis for ADHD, so as you said: similar symptoms might be baking different types of cake.

  • Not Yoshé
    Not Yoshé 9 days ago +223

    I’m autistic too, and I’m so glad that I have someone as successful and talented as you to relate to. Autism comes in all shapes and sizes; people make hurtful stereotypes about us like that we’re “retarded,” or “autistic people are dumb.” I have trouble with social interaction a lot, and I tried to do stuff that other people did. Autism isn’t all about not making eye contact or social interaction; autism is all about people who are different and weird in their own way. Honestly, I wouldn’t cure my autism because it’s what makes me special and different. Keep being you, Lily, because anyone who thinks being you isn’t okay, they should definitely get a slap in the face. ❤️

  • translinuxcat
    translinuxcat 9 days ago +83

    as a white girl who was perceived as male by herself and everyone around her for 14 years of her life before her egg cracked, obviously i dont relate to the experiences of others, but since my autism was never talked abuot that much (i forgot i had it until i was 11 years old) i've had this weird self discovery of "oh that's an autism thing? that's another autism thing? that's an adhd thing? how many things in my life was related to this???" neurodivergence is truly a life long neil cicierega, you dont know it by name, but it's responsible for literally everything you remember

    • TheRealFanmaster
      TheRealFanmaster 4 days ago +6

      Well I've never heard Neil Cicierega be used as a metaphor before, but I mean, you're analogy isn't wrong.

  • Meg on Cloud9
    Meg on Cloud9 7 days ago +42

    “All they see is the hyper, over- talkative and forgetful kid who for once Is sat still and quiet”- I FELT THAT SO MUCH- I have and probably always will be an excessive talker, I am actually hyperverbal and when I’m overwhelmed go hyperverbal sometimes (which means i essentially speed up and physically can not stop talking or have to force myself to stop talking- talking is a stim for me too. But it feels like I’m on a runaway train and I’m about to crash but I also can not stop talking and it’s exhausting. I have also gone non-verbal too at times but I mostly go hyperverbal. But yeah I didn’t think I could be autistic because I am “good at socialising” - yeah turns out jumping in (and interrupting people) rambling and talking AT people because I don’t need them to talk back I just need to talk, missing every social cue there is to miss (and even when I picked them up didn’t understand- or I know what they are I just don’t know why or how to process it. It’s a little more complex but yeah not getting social cues verbal and non- verbal is a big issue) being either way “too loud” or “too quiet” (because idk what the appropriate volume is nor can I control it) is not actually socialising 😂- and I am in fact not good at it. I talk a lot. But not good at Linear conversation flow where I have to read a bunch of social cues that i don’t understand and am expected to know and also expected to make eye contact and everything else.
    Anyways loved this video but also I realised that like most of my friends are neurodivergent, (and my girlfriend is autistic) and like so many of family I think like no one is diagnosed but I feel like most of us should be

  • CoronaFetish
    CoronaFetish 6 days ago +17

    this makes... a lot of sense, like actually, I knew there was a spectrum but I didn't know that the spectrum of autism varied that much. Also I'm like 90% sure I have ADHD, but I don't want to self diagnose until a therapist or someone actually confirms it. (PS) I also hate washing dishes, it just makes me wanna freak out, so your not alone on that one :D

  • Whatever
    Whatever 16 days ago +12867

    Important note. The things that people see as autistic and are the main diagnostic criteria are the things that happen when autistic people are overwhelmed and unhappy. Those "symptoms" go away when they are able to communicate, cope, and are happy.

    • ItsCaptainCDT
      ItsCaptainCDT Day ago

    • FabulousSlob
      FabulousSlob Day ago +1

      @Whatever That sounds great and makes absolutely sense! Sign language in general just gets cooler the more you think about it, what with all the practical use in everyday life. Not only being able to communicate with Nonverbal or Hearing impaired, but also things like talking in loud environments, parents conversing while their child is sleeping, any situation where you have to be quiet, just having a scratchy throat...
      I wish you the best of learning! :D

    • Whatever
      Whatever Day ago

      @FabulousSlob Asperger is part of autism spectrum now. I also sometimes become less verbal when stressed. I started learning ASL to help me find words because sometimes I find it easier to access the physical words rather than the auditory ones if that makes sense. :)

    • FabulousSlob
      FabulousSlob Day ago

      As a Kid I used to sometimes make unspecified human noises of displeasure (whine, shout,...growl?) When someone harassed me and, say, ripped my book out of my hands. Dunno if that counts for autism (I was diagnosed with Asperger tbh), but my older brother thankfully pointed out that wasn't how you usually express yourself. I might not have realized otherwise. It was mostly a childhood thing anyways, so maybe not that odd?

    • Rylan Spence
      Rylan Spence 2 days ago

      as a person with autism I struggle to be in a crowded area and I just walk away listening to my music and calm down

  • yemiravity
    yemiravity 4 days ago +5

    Hey, I'm not gonna get all sappy and tell my life story here, but I'd just like to say thank you so much for making this video. It really means a lot to me.

  • chrisadeth
    chrisadeth 6 days ago +9

    The way my autism shines thru is in my social interactions. I stutter, I fumble, I say weird things, often without thinking. The overstimulation issue doesn't often come into play, but it does every now and then, such as concerts or... trying to use a sharpie on paper *shudder*.
    I'm also very disorganized.
    I've never seen my official diagnosis, but when my mom first told me I was autistic as a young teen, suddenly everything started to click.

  • Ashton Snapp
    Ashton Snapp 9 days ago +18

    I am an autism (diagnosed Summer 2011), and my cousin (who is also an autism) once referred to me as a jelly bean.
    I shall embrace this new identity.
    *I AM BEAN*

  • Blaze Wadley
    Blaze Wadley 6 days ago +7

    Omg this is so relatable, I am more on the "high functioning" part of the autism spectrum(also have adhd and anxiety) and most people think I'm just weird. Knowing that I'm not the only one with these issues feels nice.

  • 🎗 ordinary extraordinary 🎗

    i heard someone tell a girl with asd, “well, you don’t ACT autistic” and she just went, “Oh sorry! One second.” and then started hitting her head while listing off train facts. 10/10 response

    • Michael Daigle
      Michael Daigle 8 days ago +4

      @eenisoo I'm a very straight looking man. I don't pluck my eyebrows, I don't get my hair done, my beard is wild, and I wear very plain, cheap clothes. Black hanes T-shirt, black jeans. My voice is fairly deep unless I'm super excited about something. I don't get into relationships for personal reasons. When most people learn of my sexuality they are VERY surprised. 10 times out of 10. Most people just kind of assume you're a cis male if you don't prance around in rainbow shit and speak in a high pitched melodic voice.

    • Mario Mastr
      Mario Mastr 10 days ago

      @eenisoo 😮😮

    • Itzstayxd
      Itzstayxd 11 days ago +3

      @Nooby ツ ong

    • Nooby ツ
      Nooby ツ 12 days ago +3

      L + bozo + razio + skill issue + cope + no bches

  • Lps EnderArt
    Lps EnderArt 7 days ago +6

    I have almost all of the things mentioned in the video. I just started improving with some of the things after years. For me, it's sensory processing disorder, but I am close to the spectrum for autism. Also, I love your videos, and you are amazing :3

  • No U
    No U 6 days ago +6

    I'm sitting here in absolute shock because I've never heard of someone having such similar symptoms to me. Being terrified of flushing toilets, especially automatic ones, affects me to this day. Being terrified by loud noises, too. Guess who's going to finally email her doctor about getting evaluated :))
    Tysm illy for sharing your experience. I cannot believe someone else has experienced these same phobias that impede daily life. I really am not alone

  • Caramel Bloom
    Caramel Bloom 8 days ago +20

    I just got diagnosed with ADHD, and the way you talk about how you think and act differently reminds me of how I feel about my adhd

  • Emily Matusz
    Emily Matusz 2 days ago +2

    My autism was spotted at a really young age (4), however I wasnt officially diagnosed until I was 14! It was simply put as being overly dramatic despite the signs. This video was super relatable and really fun to watch; thanks for sharing!

  • abelina sabrina
    abelina sabrina 15 days ago +773

    Love you little lady ❤️

  • 🦴PIXIE🍰
    🦴PIXIE🍰 9 days ago +18

    I can’t believe how relatable the masking part was. I was friends with dirty minded friends and I was one of the incont one and I hated being left out and I tried to mask them, and I got called toxic by them, I felt sad so I tried myself and I got left out.

  • [ E R R O R ]
    [ E R R O R ] 7 days ago +7

    Getting diagnosed with ADHD is _weird_ like you walk into the office of a dude with a medical degree and they say "yeah you got diet autism" and the cure is to microdose meth

  • lunaa
    lunaa Day ago +2

    This was such an eye opening video for me, my entire life I have always felt something was wrong or that I was different from everyone else. I always tried to talk to my mom about it and ask if I could talk to someone or see a doctor to get properly diagnosed with whatever I have but her first initial reaction was "What? You don't need that." (she herself is a therapist). After that I didn't talk about it or even think about it till bottling it in got so much that I was on the brink of just completely giving up. I had finally gotten the courage to talk to her about how I really feel and everything I go through on a daily basis. Once I gave her all these things that were going on in my head and other things going on she finally listened and I now have an appointment with my doctor, and during my appointment I really want to talk about the things I have experienced that are very similar to those in this video. Thank you for being so open on these topics and sharing your experiences.

  • M H
    M H 5 days ago +2

    Omg… I also got adhd and am on the spectrum and never felt to not alone 🥺.. thanks for sharing your experience means a lot for me and hopefully many other ppl

  • Vixy
    Vixy 15 days ago +1207

    “It’s like the *be yourself* quote applied to everyone but me”
    Honestly that hit very close to home. I’ve always been labled as annoying and I never understood alot of things the way other people did, I get called stupid and/or slow for not understanding questions or following conversations properly/differently. I always thought maybe I had some sort of mental problem with me. Maybe I do, I don’t know. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything (yet)

    • The Bread
      The Bread 8 days ago

      @v1ctor1a_4444 I'm not diagonosed and I dont think I'm autistic but that was literally me when I went to school all of those comments omg.. I'm so sorry you had to go through that too :(

    • The Bread
      The Bread 8 days ago

      @The Gamer FACTSS SAY IT LOUDER!!

    • The Bread
      The Bread 8 days ago +1

      SAMEE OMG ALL THE TIME YOU TOOK THE DAMN WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH!! THAT WAS LITERALLY MY GODDAMN CHILDHOOD

    • Khloe G
      Khloe G 8 days ago

      @Nooby ツ what’s your problem??

    • Jclaypotch
      Jclaypotch 11 days ago

      I hear that. People tend to forget that everyone is different but yet some still strive.

  • SaltyHQ
    SaltyHQ 2 days ago +1

    I would explain the feeling of autism like a constant haze, warping, dulling and amplifying stimuli till it becomes unbearable for a normal human being.
    It's as simple as that, though what makes it difficult is how the brain reacts to that situation.
    This leads to a sorts of issues like low social skills, depression, low motor skills, derealization attacks, anger issues and more.

  • bouncey steve
    bouncey steve 2 days ago +1

    I'm also on the spectrum and I was lucky to be in a private school full of accepting people, except for middle school when my autism helper verbally abused me, and I haven't been outside in months. Still really good to see your on the spectrum also though.

  • Wimmie's World
    Wimmie's World 9 days ago +15

    I’ve always had sensory issues with noise and clothing and used to have to specifically make every conversation and task about The Wizard of Oz because that was the only way to get me invested. It’s interesting seeing these experiences years after the fact and starting to see the signs. Thank you so much for this video! I think it’ll help more folks than you’ll ever know.

  • Charlie
    Charlie  4 days ago +1

    I have all of these symptoms but I’m getting tested for Autism next month! Hope for everyone who has undiagnosed Autism is able to get properly tested!

  • LozFanXV
    LozFanXV 12 days ago +756

    “It felt like the be yourself quote applied to everyone but me.”
    As someone who has ADHD and many overlapping symptoms with autism (sensitivity to certain sounds and bright lights, hyperfixations, auditory processing disorder, overly emotional, stimming.) That hit me hard. The amount of times I was the "weird" girl during school was a lot, and I found myself either the target of pranks, or left out of social events happening. And I sometimes find myself still struggling with feeling accepted nowadays.

    • Angel H
      Angel H 3 days ago

      Yeah same here, that line really resonated lol

    • Rhino_Raine
      Rhino_Raine 4 days ago +2

      "the best way to get friends is tojust be yourself" yeah i tried that and it didnt work, funny how as soon as i stopped being myself i actually got some

    • ZoellaFischerVA
      ZoellaFischerVA 5 days ago

      i forced myself to change into someone more socially acceptable over the years
      While it's a little sad, i do like the new me. I'm cool lol, and i still have my unique way of thinking

    • Koni GamingGR
      Koni GamingGR 6 days ago

      im pretty sure this isnt an article..

  • AtomicToad666
    AtomicToad666 5 days ago +1

    As an autistic person I’m glad that this video exists-
    1= one prayer for every time someone said that autism was a “learning disability“
    (which it can be but not in my case).

  • Emma Orvis
    Emma Orvis 3 days ago +1

    When the guy said "You don't look autistic," It made me think about something that happened yesterday, this kid in my classroom at school and I were talking about mental and physical health, I brought up my anti-depression medication, and he said "Anti-depression? You don't look depressed." And I was standing there thinking What is a depressed person supposed to look like!?

  • Rey Kenobi
    Rey Kenobi 10 days ago +1

    To be honest, I also wondered if there was something else that differed me from others. I also had no friends growing up and I was being isolated and bullied for reasons I still can’t seem to remember.

  • Yuki Senmatsu
    Yuki Senmatsu 10 days ago +6

    I found out I had autism when I was around 13 or 14. Yeah, THAT late. I think either my parents or my elementary school speech therapist did tell me, but I had Patrick Star IQ where I didn't pay much attention to that. So yeah back then, I was in-between the middle and lower part of the spectrum until I was around 25-26 hell, I was in a homeroom ran by the S.T.E.P.S program with kids that was autistic when I was in highschool. While I was the smartest in there, I still needed a bit of help with very few things. I also hated doing the dishes back when I was doing some volunteer work at Antonio's, but since I'm now older, I don't mind doing that at all

  • The Music Decomposer
    The Music Decomposer 16 days ago +807

    6:18 “Pfft, you’re not autistic. Why aren’t you playing Roblox and screaming into the microphone? You know, a totally real symptom and not a stereotype.”
    (Yes, it's a joke.)

    • Magda Zapałka
      Magda Zapałka 6 days ago +2

      Chill out in replies, I they're just making fun of people calling every weird kid autistic or something

    • Russian Русский
      Russian Русский 6 days ago

      Thank you for writing that it's a joke. Kinda hard to tell when we can't see your face :)

    • Cerebrum
      Cerebrum 11 days ago

      @Super Sonic Ding!

    • Sanriohub
      Sanriohub 12 days ago

      @Super Sonic it’s for people who can’t understand tone.

    • L.P.
      L.P. 15 days ago +10

      @tatis021 tatidd021 what braincells

  • Mitchie Mari
    Mitchie Mari 3 days ago

    As someone with a little brother with autism, I greatly appreciate this video. I'm always explaining to people that he's not "weird", just a little different. He's such a smart and sweet little kid, I worry about his future sometimes with all the bullies out there. I hope this video will help others see autistic people in a better light, and educate them more.

  • Arbitrary Chaos
    Arbitrary Chaos Day ago

    This perfectly encompasses the autistic experience. I’m afab and went through the exact same stages. I’m gonna send this to my mom so she can better understand me and my needs!! :)

  • FlakeyJakey
    FlakeyJakey 6 days ago +2

    I have a strong feeling in autistic but just can't bring myself to get myself diagnosed, since doctors can deny you a surgery, even if it's life saving, just on the basis that you are on the spectrum. Since they can't determine if you're "mentally stable" enough to ask for said surgery.

  • Ruby Redfort
    Ruby Redfort Day ago

    I love how while everything you're saying is extremely relatable to me as an autistic person, at the same time I'm constantly getting excited about seeing various favorite hyperfixations as easter eggs in this (and well, all of them really) video, but especially this one because it had The Owl House Easter eggs this time and that's my current hyperfixation!
    So I'm sitting here nodding my head being like 😒 when the kid says 'wELL yOu DoN't LoOk AuTiStiC' and then one second later I'm like 🤩 'EDA!'.

  • Owen Lewis
    Owen Lewis 16 days ago +468

    For anyone who needs to hear this, ADHD and autism have a surprising amount of overlaps: sensory issues, lack of focus, hyper focus, issues with socialization, and so much more. If you researched autism and thought “well, it kinda fits me, but not perfectly” I would recommend looking into ADHD, because that may be what’s up.

    • pondpigeon
      pondpigeon 10 days ago

      thanks! this has helped me clear up my suspicions, you see i've always related quite heavily to some autism symptoms but it's been over the last month or so that i've actually started to recognize them as such, but i've been already diagnosed with ADHD so that might be it! i'll still do some research before bringing it up to my psychologist just to be sure! :D

    • Keniko RB
      Keniko RB 12 days ago

      You can also have both!

    • The Supernatural house
      The Supernatural house 16 days ago +3

      @Leah thank you! And yes, I know that add is an outdated term I just didn't know what else to call it-
      But thanks, I ought try again to explain to my mom, but idk
      My friend also has adhd, and he says I definitely seem like I have it; might try to ask a teacher or just wait until I can do it myself, idk

    • Leah
      Leah 16 days ago +5

      @The Supernatural house ADD is actually not considered a diagnosis anymore- it all falls under the umbrella term of "ADHD" and you can have either hyperactive or inattentive type or a mix of both! So what you're describing is likely inattentive type ADHD 😊 I hope you can convince someone to have you tested if you think theres something up because I went without a diagnosis for 21 years and it would've been amazing to know when I was younger- good luck!

  • Freak Servo
    Freak Servo 2 days ago

    As one who was diagnosed with high-spectrum Aspergers and Major Depression, this video hit *VERY* close to home. About %90 percent of what I see or hear I take seriously, and it causes me to either argue about it as loud as I can, or silently ruminate over it for months - even years - at a time.
    I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

  • The Pokemon Guy
    The Pokemon Guy 4 days ago +2

    As someone who has always had quite high functioning autism I get a lot of crap about not being autistic, I was diagnosed very early, (3 or 4) it was because I didn’t talk at the time (and didn’t till I was 5 and now I don’t shut up) and I had another thing where I couldn’t pick anything up and it would drop out of my hands (that wasn’t autism but anyway) and my mother was quite concerned, and I had a 1 to 1 therapy till I was 5, I also ended up in a school for special needs kids (low and high functioning, autism, adhd, etc.)
    Also, autism and adhd are not the same!!!! It’s so annoying when people lump the two together, no!! Autism is a wide spectrum while generally effects social interactions, sensory overload among other things
    Adhd is a condition which I believe gives you a heightened state of alertness and effects your focus (I don’t have adhd so if anyone wants to clarify that they can)
    My things are eye contact and social interactions, more specifically I will go off topic about things which no one was talking about and made things awkward
    Honestly I have never had sensory overload, I don’t know why I just don’t get overwhelmed with loud noises or gooey/weird substances, after all it is a spectrum.
    Thanks if you read the whole comment, I don’t tend to comment a lot but whenever I see a creator talk about autism it peeks my intreat because it’s relatable and I like to talk about my symptoms.

  • FabulousSlob
    FabulousSlob 10 days ago +11

    I felt that part about the jeans. Also my brother sometimes makes those dark humored sarcastic remarks that I used to take seriously. At this point I just assume that anything horribly rascist he says is his sarcasm. Although my parents also fell for it a few times. Maybe he really DOES have a too-serious voice for sarcasm!

    • FabulousSlob
      FabulousSlob Day ago

      @Russian Русский Thing is, sometimes, not really, just a little, I still wonder if maybe he in some cases pulls a "just a prank sis" with his Jokes. I'm not sure what I mean to say right now, either way it's just not funny.

    • Russian Русский
      Russian Русский 6 days ago +1

      I feel ya! My parents make somewhat racist jokes (which was acceptable in the USSR, where they grew up, so they don't see anything wrong with it), and I once confronted them, thinking them hated all nationalities ever. Apparently not

  • Jen
    Jen 6 days ago +1

    I relate to a lot of this video and have wanted to get some sort of screening for autism or ADHD for awhile, but my mom has a lot of stigmas around this sort of thing and I'm too scared to ask... I'll probably just wait until I'm a legal adult so I don't have to get permission

  • AnJelloProductions
    AnJelloProductions 16 days ago +564

    I love how “non traditional” topics are being talked about by Illy. I definitely find these videos more personal and really helps those who can compare. This SHOULD be normal conversations.
    Amazing video and thank you for using your platform as a bigger voice for those who cannot!

  • Official Cat Lover
    Official Cat Lover 10 days ago +1

    the one symptom that has always been thing for me is hearing. I’m so sensitive to little noises and sometimes hear things others don’t or think things are way too loud when others say it’s not. i had to start homeschool because i was autistic. i was the shy kid, i had one solid friend all throughout public school and homeschool.
    i’ve overcome a lot of the sensory issues but i’m still working on others.
    also i share the cat obsession thing

  • The Gross Demon
    The Gross Demon 10 days ago +10

    More autistic friends would be fun. I need more literal people in my life lol. It gets so tiresome having to think if people are being literal or hyperbolic, a simple convo would be great for once lol. Hell even getting to talk to someone that's passionate about anything!

  • Eva-Marie/Wrixx
    Eva-Marie/Wrixx 2 days ago

    I just wanna say watching your videos makes going through my breakup a little bit easier. I like to watch them when I feel a little extra sad. Thanks for making entertaining yet educational animations

  • LovelyRadiant Unicorn

    I have autism too. I’m very glad that someone is talking about it even if “it’s not the most perfect description” it’s just nice to know someone else is talking about it. Maybe someday I should do the same… Autism needs to be discussed more honestly. Hell, mental disorders really need at least more attention. Not that anything is wrong with any of them, but it should just be discussed more. Especially because Autism is rather common, idk about the case for ADHD but still.

  • 𝚂 𝚊 𝚕 𝚎 𝚖   ☹︎

    “It felt like the be yourself quote applied to everyone but me.”
    Hits way to close to home. Over the years I’ve been very selective about sharing my interests with people because whenever I went on long rants they’d ignore me or tell me that I was annoying. I’ve only ever opened up to one close friend, who I’m still in contact with even though they moved 3 years ago. I just feel like there’s no safe space for me to express my feelings and ideas. There’s certain thing I know I can’t say because I’m me. Like, if i said a certain joke they wouldn’t laugh, they’d just give me a polite smile. If my friend said that joke, everyone would act like it was the funniest thing in the world.
    Edit: also the ‘You don’t seem autistic.’ Reminded me of an experience. I let slip that my brother was autistic (something that still haunts me to this day) and we also had an autistic kid in our class. He was closer to what people view as typically autistic, he had trouble talking and doing certain things. One of my friends immediately got it into their head that my brother was like that kid and asked about it. The others, who had met my brother, were pretty shocked (which I don’t blame them for). They all said stuff like; ‘Wait, hold up! He acts so normal, not like (insert kid in our class’s name)’ ‘Are you lying? But he doesn’t have any trouble with school!’ ‘He was probably diagnosed wrong’
    I was so mad at them but didn’t speak up, because I was afraid. I’ve always been afraid of my friends because I’m if I tell them what I’m really thinking, they’ll hate me.

    • Anime Weeb
      Anime Weeb 11 days ago +1

      @Kanykei Doorova it's exhausting -_-

    • Kanykei Doorova
      Kanykei Doorova 12 days ago +1

      @Anime Weeb I KNOW RIGHT

    • Kanykei Doorova
      Kanykei Doorova 12 days ago +1

      i definitely agree

    • Anime Weeb
      Anime Weeb 12 days ago +4

      when people say be yourself, they're actually saying "be yourself as long as yourself fits inside the box society created for you"

    • Llova1
      Llova1 12 days ago

      I can fully relate to this

  • Aoife Cregg
    Aoife Cregg 4 days ago

    I’ve finally started doing my research on why I act the way I do, I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m so sick of people calling my a “crazy fangirl” because of my interests. Being called dramatic when I express my emotions in a certain way. It’s so annoying and honestly upsetting when I get told I’m dramatic and obsessed with stuff I’m passionate about.

  • Halah AlH
    Halah AlH 10 days ago +1

    1:36 I love how ryuji is the one saying you talk too much, which says alot about "bad" it is lol.
    Great video as always!

  • Jibley
    Jibley 6 hours ago

    Finally, found a video that perfectly captures this subject. Now I legitimately feel better with my diagnosis, thanks illy :)

  • autumncolourss
    autumncolourss 2 days ago

    I’m so happy to see you sharing this experience!! It makes me so much more confident that one of my biggest inspirations has had similar experiences to me ❤️ I was recently diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD (and let’s just say it took a while) and the way you explain it here is great, especially sensory overload and shutdowns. Keep rockin’!

  • Christy Clasgens
    Christy Clasgens 12 days ago +585

    Another important note. The spectrum isn’t linear!! The autism spectrum isn’t “low functioning to high functioning” or “more autistic to less autistic.”
    A lot of people like to say it’s more like a color wheel. But personally I like to use the sound board analogy. Each slider is an autism trait/symptom. Each trait or symptom is a spectrum of its own. And the amount you experience each trait can change. So your personal spectrum can look different and change day to day.

    • Seymour Disapproves
      Seymour Disapproves 4 days ago

      @Reut Gal that analysis only really makes sense if you don't know much about any symptoms of autism. When OP talks about symptoms being on a sliding scale, they mean something like, "many autistic people are or have a phase in childhood where they are hyperverbal, however many other autistic people can say the same thing about being nonverbal." Similar things can be said about fine motor skills; many autistic people struggle with them, but some are piano virtuosos, which requires insane amounts of control. No single place on any of these scales dictates whether a person is autistic.
      You seem to think that there is some magic combination of places on each of the "sliding scales" for commonly recognized symptoms of autism that makes someone a "normal" or neurotypical person, however neurotypical people, who by and large don't have impairments in socializing, communication, or operating outside of restricted or repetitive behaviors, simply don't have to consider their place on these scales at all. The scales are a tool to address perceived impairments or abnormalities, so if there aren't any to speak of in a person, there aren't any to speak of.

    • Zakrovik
      Zakrovik 4 days ago

      @Seymour Disapproves That doesn't change the fact that you still have no credible concrete evidence.

    • Seymour Disapproves
      Seymour Disapproves 4 days ago

      @Zakrovik A chunk of this video is devoted to speaking on some ways autistic people have been denied professional testing, much less diagnoses, for autism due to bias and discrimination. This video specifically covers a bias against women and people who were assigned female at birth, who often exhibit "atypical" symptoms according to a body of research that has almost exclusively focused on boys for decades. However, as also brought up in the video, this discrimination affects other demographics as well. For example, a large body of research spanning decades at this point shows that Black autistic children are much more likely to be misdiagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder before receiving a proper autism diagnosis when compared to white children, with some studies listing the disparity as being over 5 times more likely for Black children. This is likely to do with Black people already being stereotyped as violent, brutish, and dangerous, so Black autistic children's outbursts due to frustration or overstimulation are more likely to be viewed as malicious than similar outbursts from a white child.
      Point is, these are ongoing problems within the field of autism research. A PhD isn't a talisman against bias or prejudice, and the only reason a lot of people get diagnosed with autism outside of childhood at all is because they start putting the pieces together and requesting tests themselves. So maybe, idk, don't dismiss the lived experiences of disabled people in favor of this imaginary concept of an infallible medical establishment which is largely made up of people who do not have the disorders or conditions they're studying in other people? Is it really that shocking to you that a person who actually lives with something could perhaps be better at articulating what that's like for them than someone who has never lived with it and can only ever really guess at what it's like?

    • bich tran
      bich tran 5 days ago

      ok

    • Russian Русский
      Russian Русский 6 days ago

      Dude bro, amazing comparison with the sound board. That's what made it click for me once and for all. Thx :3

  • Zoe Eichen
    Zoe Eichen 7 days ago +1

    I was diagnosed professionally at 3 years old, and while it's a blessing I got the help I need to function and even excel in many areas of life, I prefer doing things alone because I know I won't always be socially understood. It sucks, feeling like something is missing and knowing exactly why but being unable to change. Even my mom hates when I'm dramatic and I feel like I'm not allowed to say how I really feel half the time.

  • Jaidenyuh
    Jaidenyuh 9 days ago

    I LOVE THIS VIDEO! EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AMAZING! THE REFERENCES TO THE OWL HOUSE ARE IMMACULATE AND THE EVERYTHING ELSE IS EVEN BETTER! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ILLY!

  • Flugan
    Flugan 8 days ago +1

    I'm bawling! 😭 I figured out I have autism two years ago (age 28) so I thought I was through with the "cry everytime I feel understood" faze. Nope, I've never seen someone talk about being scared/overwhelmed by flushing toilets and being unable to do the dishes before. Que the tears!

  • A Fox Named Sean
    A Fox Named Sean 4 days ago

    Someone on the spectrum and also has ADHD here: I tend to find myself talking a lot and carrying on conversations longer than they should have. I personally never really tried to fit in though because I didn't and still don't try picking up on whatever is trending among my peers. I just be me and talk about video games I like and obscure video games and dissecting the inner meaning of themes and choices done in media I like. I'm very analytical of a person lmao

  • Nick Chambers
    Nick Chambers 13 days ago +304

    I loved the owl house references! And thank you for bringing up the “it’s not just young white boys” part. It ignores so many other people, especially when someone’s looking to be diagnosed as an adult. Our needs change as we grow, and an adult who has trouble with socializing would be able to mask or adapt more than, say, a six year old. Our struggles still exist, they’re just sometimes harder to see

    • Euphemia Lyra Eyre
      Euphemia Lyra Eyre 10 days ago

      @Anvi oh I think it might be a fushion of Mei and Totoro, but it was in the totoro bus stop setting.

    • Anvi
      Anvi 10 days ago

      @Euphemia Lyra Eyre i thought that was mei? do you mean the red panda? or maybe i didn't catch totoro

    • Pesterbot
      Pesterbot 12 days ago +1

      and a bluey reference! :DD

    • Euphemia Lyra Eyre
      Euphemia Lyra Eyre 12 days ago +1

      And steven universe references, and totoro.

    • Anvi
      Anvi 12 days ago +3

      I do too lol. Did you see the latest episode? I saw young Eda somewhere in this video

  • Shoyu Becca
    Shoyu Becca 9 days ago +7

    Even though you described my childhood down to a tee, I still have a hard time believing I'm autistic. I'm so used to believing that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm 26 and still trying really hard to fit into the "strong black woman" stereotype that my mom laid out for me.

    • becca m
      becca m 2 days ago

      Saaame

    • Cook
      Cook 5 days ago

      Or adult

    • Cook
      Cook 5 days ago

      Correct you have trouble acclimating to a neurotypical society not your fault kid

  • Olivia drinkwine
    Olivia drinkwine 8 days ago +6

    As someone on the spectrum who got bullied and taken advantaged off so many times when I was in school. Thank you for explaining autism and sharing your experiences.

  • Raidyn!!_2
    Raidyn!!_2 5 days ago

    My cousin's autistic too, and i always look forward to looking at other's experience.
    Thank you for this video for my own research

  • Luke Zamparelli
    Luke Zamparelli Day ago

    I literally had everything that happened to happen to me, and it still happens.

  • Tamzin Molloy
    Tamzin Molloy 9 days ago +1

    Omg! Thank you so much for making this video! I've been on the spectrum since i was little and my younger brother too and am still going through some tough things with it, but I accept and like being weird too! I struggled so much in high school and could barely fit in with my autism but now I'm at uni and am better than ever!! New friends and pursuing what I love! Animation!!
    So thank you illy!!
    ❤❤😊🥰💜💜

  • ecentrisi
    ecentrisi 3 days ago +1

    Theres a boy in my class who seems like he is on the spectrum, he yells out in class randomly, always has headphones on, and gets stimulated and distracted easily.

  • 27 rats in a trenchcoat

    I can't explain how happy this makes me!!!
    The whole time I was just waiting for you to say something wildly incorrect or use puzzle piece imagery but you didn't! And honestly I relate so much to your childhood stories growing up autistic (or in my case autistic and ADHD) is not fun.
    I'm so happy, there's so much misinformation about autism and so many well-meaning people unknowingly spreading misinformation that it's such a breath of fresh air to see someone explain it so well :D

  • Spirit Of Kindness
    Spirit Of Kindness 2 days ago

    Hi, I just wanted to say, this video meant so much to me. I was diagnosed with autism at age 5 and many people I’ve met have misunderstood me. I’ve been bullied at school and I don’t know any other openly autistic girls who are my friends IRL (actually, I don’t have many friends IRL at all). I nearly cried watching this video. I’ve spent so long feeling misrepresented by the media and the world. Kids at my school write the R slur on bathroom stalls. It sometimes feels like I’m the only one out there who’s like me, who is told by the world that I’m “weird” and “don’t fit it in” and much worse. Thank you for making this video.

  • eLL cartoons
    eLL cartoons 16 days ago +1347

    This video is EVERYTHING. I seriously appreciate you using your platform to bring so much more awareness to us awesome weirdos!!! ❤️🙃🥳 Your toons are the best 😭🙌🏼 P.S. I WILL NEVER DO THE DISHES WITHOUT GLOVES.

    • Diana Shearer
      Diana Shearer 14 days ago

      ELL HELLO

    • TheAnimationNation
      TheAnimationNation 14 days ago

      ok

    • WingDingfontbro67 Null
      WingDingfontbro67 Null 14 days ago +2

      Who doesn’t? I dont want crap water in my hands who wants that getting all in their nails and oh god I touched my face because I needed to scratch my nose and now it’s in my face. You can see how this goes down the drain very quickly,

    • Sitharos
      Sitharos 14 days ago +1

      Hey Ell! Love sweet potato! 😃

  • Live Laugh Lesbian
    Live Laugh Lesbian 10 days ago

    Thank you for putting this out. I was recently disgnosed as being Autistic and I am having a hard time of it.

  • Amanda Burris
    Amanda Burris 9 days ago

    I was diagnosed with Autism when I was five. I relate to all of this so much! There are still things that I'm learning about myself and how my autism works and I love learning about other people's similar journeys!

  • Max Kennedy
    Max Kennedy 2 days ago

    I need everyone who's ever been like "Don't self diagnose" to hear this - my psychiatrist refused to test me for autism because I'm an adult. I was 18 for 6 months at the time

    • Letícia Lopes
      Letícia Lopes Day ago

      I mean, it is really wrong to just say you have a disorder, if you're sure you have a disorder you should look for professional help, I went through 4 different psychologists, I was diagnosed 5 months ago (I'm 20 y.o) , if you think your psychologist or psychiatrist is not helping you, it's okay to look for someone else
      I'm speaking from my experience so maybe I was just lucky to have the opportunity to find someone else, but please don't self-diagnose

  • Bisexual SmoothTalker

    I'm almost 27, yet I feel like I sometimes don't act like other people my age. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not mature enough, that I'm weird, shy etc. I recognize myself in a lot of things in this video. I am not diagnosed, but my brother is on the spectrum.

  • Carley Osburn
    Carley Osburn 16 days ago +147

    As an autistic female myself, this made me feel heard in a way that I can’t quite explain. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Ilyssa.

    • Cody Hines
      Cody Hines 16 days ago

      I hope you have a good life

  • Minna S
    Minna S 11 hours ago

    I’ve got three boys. The oldest was diagnosed with adhd about a year ago. The youngest was too about the same time. (The middle boy is “normal”) But we noticed something else was going on. Now he got also the diagnosis of autism/Asperger’s. And he’s being bullied so much (-“because he’s super sensitive and take everything seriously”)he’s afraid of even going alone in our backyard and sleeping alone.
    If any of you reading this have tips and ideas, I’m super grateful!
    He’s in therapy. That’s the only thing I thought could help him. And he loves being with his therapist. But more ideas are always welcome. Thank you! ❤️

  • Willow the Tree
    Willow the Tree 3 days ago

    I relate to this video so much. All my life I've struggled with severe "panic attacks" that I've recently learned are actually autistic meltdowns, as well as sensory overload and a bunch of other symptoms you've mentioned. It was only last month that I realized I'm probably autistic (during autism awareness month haha). I'm going to be evaluated in a few weeks and I'm unnecessarily terrified and having a bit of an existential crisis because I'm worried I'm not "autistic enough" to be autistic if that makes sense? I've been trying to research stuff about autism to learn more about myself, and this is by far the most helpful video I've found. It honestly makes me feel so seen because instead of just reading facts off an article I can relate on a very personal level to your experiences with autism. And for once in my life I'm not going to delete this comment because it's written weirdly because that's okay.
    Also, love the Owl House references, those just sweetened the deal

  • Lunar
    Lunar 3 days ago

    as an autistic person a lot of this stuff happens to me too!!! thank u for making feel so heard! also, before my diagnosis but after testing for it, all my friends used to say that they didn’t think i had it and ofc when i found out i did, i told them, but they still treat me like i’m just weird

  • Maria Luiza F
    Maria Luiza F 5 days ago

    This video is so important!! I’m crying my way through it because it talks to me in a personal level. I bawled my eyes out in “ everybody should be themselves but me” and it exactly how it feels!! My whole life I’ve felt out of place and misunderstood.. it took me 24 years to figure out why! I don’t blame anyone, I’m sure if they knew what I know now they would’ve done something too.
    Such a beautiful and strong message ❤️

  • Elizabeth Olson
    Elizabeth Olson 16 days ago +397

    I relate to literally everything in this video, even the part about not wearing tight jeans because they're itchy and wayyy too distracting. My mom knew I had ADHD from a young age but never did anything (or told me) about it because I still did "okay" in school. Little did she know that I struggled to listen to teachers, couldn't make eye contact with most people, could barely take notes, hyper-focused on unimportant details, and struggled in social situations; just to name a few things. This is actually why I got into reading in middle school, I couldn't make mistakes if I was reading a book.
    QUICK NOTE FOR PARENTS: please please please PLEASE tell your child if they are diagnosed with a mental disorder. Not telling them WILL LEAD to low self-esteem and negative thoughts about themselves. Think about it; If you are told over and over to not talk so much, to stop being over-dramatic and such, you are going to bottle your emotions up and isolate yourself. THIS IS BAD. HELP YOUR CHILD. They need support and keeping this a secret might lead to them thinking that you are ASHAMED of having a child with a mental disability. PLEASE take this into consideration.

    • Briar Eyberg
      Briar Eyberg 10 days ago

      I'm fine with jeans but I like them to be baggy. Since that's my type of fashion style.

    • L.P.
      L.P. 15 days ago +2

      Jeans are nice

    • Sunny Moon: will upload in 2022
      Sunny Moon: will upload in 2022 15 days ago +2

      @Chickennuggetpaw 469 This comment tho- everyone calls me “the girl who’s afraid of pants” like, im not afraid of any pants except jeans and HOW THE FRIG ARE THEY COMFY PPL-

    • Chickennuggetpaw 469
      Chickennuggetpaw 469 15 days ago +2

      Seriously though jeans are so uncomfortable. I have no idea why everyone keeps telling me they’re comfy. You want comfy pants? Try leggings or sweatpants, not scratchy blue torture traps

    • when I think of a better title ill change it
      when I think of a better title ill change it 15 days ago +2

      IK RIGHT?!? for me it was the tags on the backs of shirts and people chewing. I still get passed when grandma gets my sister's potato chips. I literally was almost held back by my teacher from what I thought were just these dumb little mistakes like eating a cupcakes with the wrapper on it ect.

  • oreo
    oreo 2 days ago

    I'm so glad your animations are very educational, informative, and very fun to watch.
    The symptoms you have listed throughout the video made me question myself because the majority or even mainly all of them are something I can relate to. I am always called sensitive and too shy. But me being 20 now, I can never make friends and have a hard time doing it. I even have a hard time understanding people's emotions. I do get sad, but when I see someone else in that state I don't know what to do.
    I went to a therapist when I was around 14-16 years old and was diagnosed with low depression. But I lied to that therapist about getting better and no longer have depression due to being forced to tell my parents what happened after every session. I wasn't allowed to choose whether to talk about it or not. I was forced to have a good relationship with my dad who I didn't want to and never want to.
    Your video has helped me a lot and I am hoping to seek a therapist to diagnose me. Not to just diagnose me to see if I have autism, but also to help me be happy and hopefully change my lifestyle.

  • alex
    alex 9 days ago +6

    I was diagnosed with autism in 2014, however I’m lucky to be diagnosed. In the UK, it’s hard to get a diagnosis due to the circus of NHS, so I sympathise with those who had experiences like yours.

  • Ghostein Stereo
    Ghostein Stereo 6 days ago

    4:40 Bluey!! And thank you for this video. I’m self diagnosed but plan on getting an official diagnosis so I may receive the help I need. I really appreciate this video

  • Awesome Specs21
    Awesome Specs21 4 days ago

    As an autistic person on the spectrum myself I completely understand where you’re coming from. My autistic quirks are things like perfumes and cigarette smoke really bother me and if people are talking about things I know nothing about I shut down. You do a wonderful job of explaining this and I love this video.

  • Asher Doug
    Asher Doug 15 days ago +397

    I like that you put so many references to the Owl House and other shows into your videos. I also like that you make videos covering topics like this, that so many people seem to skirt around or take at face value. They legitimately help so many people. Thank you.

    • Super Sparerib
      Super Sparerib 15 days ago +1

      @Tim The Penguin Can I have timestamps? Here's young Eda in return: 6:39 And I think the blob at 7:51 is an abomination? Not sure lol. I already noticed Willow at 9:29 so don't need that one haha
      Edit: Nvm I found the rest at 9:44 plus Hooty, I *am* going to keep this comment up for people who are looking for timestamps

    • BirdsOnBread
      BirdsOnBread 15 days ago

      I loved seeing the Nahobino from SMT5 in an earlier video(I think it’s the bullying one?)

    • •Acè Øf Spàdès•
      •Acè Øf Spàdès• 15 days ago +1

      Me too

    • Andrew wood
      Andrew wood 15 days ago +1

      @Janakey 007 I mean can you blame her? Season 2B is so good 😊

    • Jok3r133
      Jok3r133 15 days ago +2

      when i noticed all the owl house characters i thought she was gonna add a tick at the end.

  • Cheemania21
    Cheemania21 7 days ago +1

    I have aspergers and I love all of your content and I am soo happy for you! and I saw a video the other day where you were like "whos ready for the chaos!" We all are ready XD.

  • Oak tree
    Oak tree  8 days ago +1

    I have autism and I was dyegnosed when I was 6 and I’m high on the spectrum so I appreciate this video

  • Phoenix of the Stars
    Phoenix of the Stars 6 days ago +1

    I’m ADHD-C and related to this SO MUCH. Not the sensory stuff (mostly) but more the emotional and social stuff. Including getting bullied for unknown reasons. And the masking. And the being weird.
    Also I am also always in my noise-cancelling headphones. So much my parents are annoyed.
    Also I self-diagnosed as ADHD then went into a psychiatrist, she immediately started getting me tested for it without prompting.
    Also isn’t wearing gloves and headphones while washing dishes… normal?

  • shanali chulalu123
    shanali chulalu123 5 days ago

    I know how you feel. I too was diagnosed with autism at a very young age. I didn't really feel like I fit in with the others in school cuz I was the weird kid they laughed at and made fun of/mocked. But me watching this helped me feel I can accept my autism no matter how strange I may seem. It made me feel better to see something's I can relate to with some people ☺️

  • Sea Dragon Slayer
    Sea Dragon Slayer 14 days ago +279

    I have ADHD and people think I'm just stupid and say I don't seem like I have ADHD which is very sad and its hard to cope I'm glad she made this video to make this more aware. Thank you Illy.

    • Layton T Montgomery
      Layton T Montgomery 12 days ago +1

      @Cashcorn agreed. my mum always says i should be happy that i can hyper focus because “it’s like a superpower” which it really isn’t. yes it has it’s perks but it’s mainly just an inconvenience

    • Cashcorn
      Cashcorn 12 days ago

      @Layton T Montgomery the worst time period of my life was being on ADHD/autism medicine just so I could do decent in school. Hyper focus sounds nice until you realize it’s uncontrollable and it either kicks in at the worst times or you usually are waiting for it to kick in.

    • Layton T Montgomery
      Layton T Montgomery 12 days ago +1

      same!! i’ve been told “you don’t look like you have ADHD” by so many people and a few have even said that ADHD is cool and they wish that they had it too which really upsets me. so many people stereotype about ADHD and it’s literally the worst, people need to just shut up and stop speaking about other peoples experiences. i used to be “friends” with this girl and one time we were talking about my ADHD diagnosis and she pointed out that i wasn’t bobbing my leg under the table and she had the freaking nerve to say “i have a friend who has the hyperactive type of ADHD and she’s always bobbing her legs under the table and you aren’t doing that so obviously you don’t have the hyperactivity, i think it’s really insensitive that you’re going around telling people you have the hyperactivity when you clearly don’t”. just typing that out makes my blood boil. i stopped being friends with her ages ago but the fact that people like that exist just annoys the heck out of me. they don’t realise that not everyone with ADHD has the same symptoms and they compare you to others and invalidate your experience just because you don’t act like a stereotypical person with ADHD.

    • Cashcorn
      Cashcorn 12 days ago

      @Whispurr C4t I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    • Raven 星
      Raven 星 12 days ago +1

      Me too, my teachers and parents always yell at me to just focus but I can't. And other students make fun of me for being hyperactive saying that I act like a kid

  • Heyjo
    Heyjo 5 days ago

    I almost check every of your boxes but the feeling while I experience this discomfort is probably pretty different.

  • Minnim
    Minnim 8 days ago

    im autistic as well! i've been diagnosed since I was 6 or 7. now I'm really glad I've been seeing more people are being open about their autistic experiences

  • Cadce Mainer
    Cadce Mainer 8 days ago

    Hey illy I just want to say thank you for making this. A lot of the things you listed I also deal with but my mom refused to even go over the list the doctor gave us because I'm not stereotypical (witch was also similar with my adhd) anyway after I showed her this video she's now letting me talk to the doctor 😊. Thank you

  • JoshuaVids
    JoshuaVids 4 days ago

    I love how Illy nonchalantly called herself hot. Everyone should have that much self love

  • Rhexx Greymane
    Rhexx Greymane 13 days ago +350

    As someone who is autistic and deal with everything mentioned here, thank you so much for explaining things I cant put into words because explaining anything about myself is an absolute nightmare and my brain completely forgets how to organize any information. So, i usually tell people to "specify what they want to know" in order to give a reply but for anyone completely ignorant (not in a bad way) to autism has no idea where to start. Now I can just link this instead!

    • PaperMania
      PaperMania 10 days ago

      I also struggle with how to start explaining my experience with autism and what it is, its always easier to talk about it in my mind for some reason.

    • Jellyspace
      Jellyspace 11 days ago +5

      I swear my teacher yells a lot and it hurts my ears but my classmates say she’s just talking normal id never thought of that

  • Samantha B
    Samantha B 9 days ago

    Illy it is amazing the timing of this video. I am 34 and went for my intial intake appointment a month ago. And will be starting my official assessments in June, to see if I am indeed on the Autism spectrum.
    I have done many online evalutions and always test high. So it will be interesting to see what comes out of these appointments.
    Gotta say I relate to every bit of your video.

  • Tyler Shawwaf
    Tyler Shawwaf 5 days ago

    I listened to this on the way to work. I was completely calm, but every 20 seconds I found a lump in my throat and my eyes watering up, and I can’t tell if I was empathizing or sympathizing 😅

  • Britt Vaughn
    Britt Vaughn 3 days ago

    I feel this. I'm in a super judgy and neurotypical environment right now and I've honestly never felt more autistic.
    I relate to all of those things so hard... I was just blown away when I was only borderline on the AQ but through the roof on the CAT-Q. Every afab person who wonders if they might be autistic should take the CAT-Q, not the AQ.

  • Jess Stone
    Jess Stone 2 days ago

    I was confirmed to be autistic and I experience/experienced alot of the same things growing up even though I'm still considered a kid

  • Circus Yeet
    Circus Yeet 16 days ago +410

    A wise Spoctor once said “I want to be normalized, not glorified”
    also this video basically describes me lmao
    Because my school completely ignored my needs, it caused trauma :)
    I had no friends, nobody really liked me, I was angry and violent as a kid so people feared me, teachers outright refused to give me extra help because “we have to treat everyone the exact same” etc. ugh
    Edit: wrote a sentence completely wrong
    I’m over it now but it hurts to think about. Girls with autism don’t get nearly as much help and diagnosis as boys do, since they often learn to mask their behavior to fit in. Swedish psychiatrist Svenny Kopp specializes in the subject…
    Another edit bc I wanna add:
    The whole “ooo everyone must be treated the same” thing looks nice on paper I guess. But in practice all it does is ignore those who NEED extra help because “the other students will be jealous.” Yes, autistic student, you see if we put you in a darker and more quiet room, everyone else has to be in that room too because we have to treat everyone the same!! 9 years of school was like that constantly for me and it literally hasn’t improved whatsoever.
    Only rowdy boys get the help they need while Angry to Quiet girls get no attention at all…

    • no one
      no one 13 days ago +1

      I had a math professor with severe ADHD once tell me he tries to make a world where everyone is treated fairly, not equally, because people have different needs and abilities.

    • Circus Yeet
      Circus Yeet 15 days ago

      @Cola Creature took em 14 years in my case lmao

    • Circus Yeet
      Circus Yeet 15 days ago +1

      @bananatheo3 ohh lmao i wrote the wrong thing. I meant they kept saying “we have to treat everyone the same”. Must’ve gotten distracted

    • Manga Mouthful
      Manga Mouthful 15 days ago +2

      I was a bully when I was younger because people told me it would be cool to do so. It was NOT cool.

    • Emily_Pug
      Emily_Pug 15 days ago +1

      This Comment basically describes me!

  • Toad Soup
    Toad Soup 21 hour ago

    Thank you so much for making this, this makes me feel so valid :((

  • Polar
    Polar 8 days ago

    Wait, this is genuinely me in a nutshell. I relate to all of this, and was recently diagnosed. Thanks for making this!

  • Blooper Dooper
    Blooper Dooper 8 days ago

    I am just like you! I was diagnosed with ADHD in 4th grade. Even with medication I felt off. I was and still am deeply interested in phycology so I would often go on huge rants in front of my friends. I talked to my therapist about it and they recommended an autism check or whatever. I did it and was diagnosed with slight autism on the spectrum. Thank you for making this video!

  • Mellow Music
    Mellow Music 5 days ago

    I am dyslexic and people were always struggled wether to peg me as bright or specials needs. Turns out you can be both.