Jimmy's Best One Liners | Jimmy Carr

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  • Published on Jul 12, 2019
  • Jimmy Carr's ultimate one liner compilation! A compilation for people who don't have time for long-winded jokes!
    The Official Channel for the biggest face in British comedy (literally the biggest face - it's like the moon.)
    For the latest tour dates and tickets: www.jimmycarr.com/live/
    #JimmyCarr
  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 285

  • hooman mohimani
    hooman mohimani 2 days ago +1

    Someone please explain the only got 5 months to live joke please I'm sorry I'm too dense

  • ohyupyup1
    ohyupyup1 2 days ago

    Last thing uploaded was 5months ago.... when's some new content coming

  • GitarStu
    GitarStu 8 days ago

    Triggered! 0:14 0:54

  • super t
    super t 10 days ago

    if an amnesiac got alzheimer's would they forget that they couldn't remember anything XD

  • Just Vin
    Just Vin 13 days ago

    I can't spell constipation...but I can work it out with a pen.

  • Abdullah Dakhaikh
    Abdullah Dakhaikh 22 days ago

    Carpet cleaner?

  • Gauge
    Gauge 29 days ago

    Funny like Don Rickles. The English are thirty years behind.

  • Der Shogun
    Der Shogun Month ago

    I still don't get the one with the carpet cleaner ?

  • Dave Goldspink
    Dave Goldspink Month ago

    πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

  • Rahul Dutta Gupta
    Rahul Dutta Gupta Month ago +1

    I told my girlfriend to get a life... 9 months later she did...🀐

  • ReeTV Documentaries
    ReeTV Documentaries Month ago +2

    I used to think this guy was funny but now I just think he is a paedo just like the rest of the entertainment industry. If you think jokes about fking kids are funny, you’re one of the very high percentage of paedos in this world

    • Pegarexucorn
      Pegarexucorn Month ago

      Damn I didn't know laughing at a joke and being sexually attracted to prepubescent children had any correlation whatsoever!

  • JustinBieber
    JustinBieber Month ago

    This is so lame.... not funny

  • GabrielleO9
    GabrielleO9 Month ago

    Absolutely love it!

  • Mathias Berg
    Mathias Berg 2 months ago +3

    "venisonΒ΄s deer isnt it?"

  • No One
    No One 2 months ago +2

    That smoky chair is soo Jimmy Carr :D

  • Jason Longhurst
    Jason Longhurst 2 months ago +10

    How do you get a fat bird into bed?
    β€œ piece of cake”.

  • Clorox Wipes
    Clorox Wipes 2 months ago +3

    I was going to tell a dead baby joke


    But I decided to abort


    :)

  • Matty Archer
    Matty Archer 2 months ago +1

    2:56 DED🀣🀣🀣

  • Till Tronje
    Till Tronje 3 months ago

    If you're scared of pedophiles, grow up

  • alexis Juillard
    alexis Juillard 3 months ago

    that girl at 0:54 is oficially offended at the blind joke

  • romancandlefight
    romancandlefight 3 months ago

    Volume is so fucked on this

  • Sean Bird
    Sean Bird 3 months ago +2

    What separates men from animals?


























    The Mediterranean sea.

  • RIXRADvidz
    RIXRADvidz 3 months ago +6

    my best Jimmy Joke is what do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip?



    Killed in a tunnel. I CANNOT Stop Laughing, Bigg Belly Laughs and Roars. Too funny.

  • RIXRADvidz
    RIXRADvidz 3 months ago +1

    One LIners are an Art Form. Jimmy's got the MIchaelangelo touch...through the Roof!

  • Peter Piper
    Peter Piper 3 months ago +212

    " I told my girlfriend that she'd drawn her eyebrows too high."




    She looked surprised.

  • Jar's gaming
    Jar's gaming 3 months ago

    XzπŸ˜„β˜ΉοΈπŸ†πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†β˜ΉοΈπŸ†πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†πŸ–•πŸ»πŸ–•πŸ»πŸ–•πŸ»πŸ

  • Epic Winz2017
    Epic Winz2017 3 months ago +9

    β€œDo any of you remember, about 10 years ago, when women,



    were attractive...”

  • Jamie Gorman
    Jamie Gorman 3 months ago

    Not the best one liners at all. Disappointing.

  • Rook Sillmane
    Rook Sillmane 4 months ago

    XD these are gold

  • TRS Sport
    TRS Sport 4 months ago

    4:12

  • Arman2468
    Arman2468 4 months ago +9

    0:53 the person in the middle looks so triggered lol

  • Weirdlyoneoffs
    Weirdlyoneoffs 4 months ago

    Every single one liner is unbelievably funny. Apart from Sasha Baron Cohen, no one is funnier than Jimmy at this moment in time.

  • Johanna Nygren
    Johanna Nygren 5 months ago

    Asterisk not Asterix

  • hippo DDj
    hippo DDj 5 months ago

    3:48

  • hippo DDj
    hippo DDj 5 months ago

    Γ‰:48

  • Arrest Fatigue
    Arrest Fatigue 5 months ago +1

    I don’t get the 5 months to live joke... 3:00

    • Big Ben
      Big Ben 2 months ago

      People are normally given 3 months, 6 months or maybe a year to live.

    • John Kosanovich
      John Kosanovich 2 months ago

      The hand gesture with all five digits must mean something I dunno?!?

    • Peter MacLauren
      Peter MacLauren 3 months ago

      Me neither. Can someone explain?

  • ItsKingtex
    ItsKingtex 5 months ago +3

    0:55 she was not happy

  • Nikola
    Nikola 5 months ago

    Nice

  • top man
    top man 5 months ago

    I fucked a girl with 1 leg shoulder used NY cock

  • Bilbo Beaverflicker
    Bilbo Beaverflicker 5 months ago

    miserable old cunt alert at 0.14 and again at 0.54

  • sed8me
    sed8me 5 months ago +6

    "had to Finish myself off"
    🀣
    Is that "innocent face" DeadPan..?

  • jennifer86010
    jennifer86010 6 months ago

    There's nothing like a Brit comic on crystal methamphetamine.....the only way you can understand his rapid-fire chipmunk speed talk is to be on crystal meth yourself !!

  • David Tallman
    David Tallman 6 months ago +1

    Amazing, I wonder how he thinks of all of these one liners.

  • Conor Malone
    Conor Malone 6 months ago

    Jimmy kills it every fucking time.

  • zondaintheair
    zondaintheair 6 months ago

    I think Jimmy is far to intelligent to go to Center Pukes.

  • LetsPlayDaily
    LetsPlayDaily 6 months ago

    Your the best comedian ever Jimmy

  • Squinqz's Life
    Squinqz's Life 6 months ago +2

    this video feels like the start of the dvd when it just keeps playing music and random jokes

  • Leo Timtom
    Leo Timtom 6 months ago +6

    ` Today my yoga instructor was drunk, which put me in awkward position`, - it was a joke from Stewart Francis.

  • KingBela
    KingBela 6 months ago +1

    0:54 that woman doesn’t look like she enjoyed the joke

    • KingBela
      KingBela 6 months ago

      Switched the numbers πŸ˜…
      0:54 is the right one

    • Michael McGrath
      Michael McGrath 6 months ago

      What woman at 0:45?

  • Arkan Perdana
    Arkan Perdana 6 months ago +1

    I understand what he says but as an Indonesian can't figure out why it is funny OMG i need more refrence. or vocab?

    • Bodenlose Dosenhose
      Bodenlose Dosenhose 6 months ago +1

      Vocab. There aren't really references in this. Just a string of one-liners.

  • rakwar
    rakwar 6 months ago +2

    A poor compilation of mostly not funny jokes. This guy is much better then what the poster has portrayed here

  • Jordon Turner
    Jordon Turner 6 months ago

    Literally the funniest guy ever

  • Kiwi Bloke.
    Kiwi Bloke. 6 months ago +1

    I'm offended lol

  • Louise Nieder-Heitmann
    Louise Nieder-Heitmann 6 months ago

    Make sure to follow @stranahan for critical information on Epstein and how Dershowitz and his side kicks are trying to pretend to expose Dershowitz but actually they are protecting him/themselves and want critical documents sealed. Follow @ali for critical information on various politicians. Follow @jackposobiec for critical news out of DC. Follow @georgwebb for more information on Epstein and many more re weapons dealings etc.

  • James Bold Comedy
    James Bold Comedy 6 months ago

    Jimmy inspires me - even though he is a sick bastard indeed of therapy!

  • SkaterBlades
    SkaterBlades 6 months ago +1

    0:54 That lady in the middle wearing red is not happy XD

  • Just Sum Geek
    Just Sum Geek 6 months ago +2

    Woman in the crowd at 58 seconds looks mortified

  • ashleelmb
    ashleelmb 6 months ago +1

    5 minutes of awesomeness!

  • Russell Jackson
    Russell Jackson 6 months ago

    world cricket test

  • lee brown
    lee brown 6 months ago +4

    Remember when comedy used to be a thing before the media started saying everything is hate speech, I miss those days