Jimmy's Best One Liners | Jimmy Carr

  • Published on Jul 12, 2019
  • Jimmy Carr's ultimate one liner compilation! A compilation for people who don't have time for long-winded jokes!
    The Official Channel for the biggest face in British comedy (literally the biggest face - it's like the moon.)
    For the latest tour dates and tickets: www.jimmycarr.com/live/
  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 225

  • hippo DDj
    hippo DDj 6 minutes ago


  • hippo DDj
    hippo DDj 6 minutes ago


  • Arrest Fatigue
    Arrest Fatigue 23 hours ago

    I don’t get the 5 months to live joke... 3:00

  • WicktexYT
    WicktexYT 7 days ago

    0:55 she was not happy

  • Nikola
    Nikola 12 days ago


  • top man
    top man 14 days ago

    I fucked a girl with 1 leg shoulder used NY cock

  • Stranger X9
    Stranger X9 15 days ago

    miserable old cunt alert at 0.14 and again at 0.54

  • sed8me
    sed8me 20 days ago +2

    "had to Finish myself off"
    Is that "innocent face" DeadPan..?

  • jennifer86010
    jennifer86010 26 days ago

    There's nothing like a Brit comic on crystal methamphetamine.....the only way you can understand his rapid-fire chipmunk speed talk is to be on crystal meth yourself !!

  • David Tallman
    David Tallman Month ago +1

    Amazing, I wonder how he thinks of all of these one liners.

  • Conor Malone
    Conor Malone Month ago

    Jimmy kills it every fucking time.

  • zondaintheair
    zondaintheair Month ago

    I think Jimmy is far to intelligent to go to Center Pukes.

  • LetsPlayDaily
    LetsPlayDaily Month ago

    Your the best comedian ever Jimmy

  • Squinqz's Life
    Squinqz's Life Month ago +1

    this video feels like the start of the dvd when it just keeps playing music and random jokes

  • Leo Timtom
    Leo Timtom Month ago +4

    ` Today my yoga instructor was drunk, which put me in awkward position`, - it was a joke from Stewart Francis.

  • KingBela
    KingBela Month ago +1

    0:54 that woman doesn’t look like she enjoyed the joke

  • Arkan Perdana
    Arkan Perdana Month ago +1

    I understand what he says but as an Indonesian can't figure out why it is funny OMG i need more refrence. or vocab?

    • Bodenlose Dosenhose
      Bodenlose Dosenhose Month ago +1

      Vocab. There aren't really references in this. Just a string of one-liners.

  • rakwar
    rakwar Month ago +2

    A poor compilation of mostly not funny jokes. This guy is much better then what the poster has portrayed here

  • Jordon Turner
    Jordon Turner Month ago

    Literally the funniest guy ever

  • Kiwi Bloke.
    Kiwi Bloke. Month ago +1

    I'm offended lol

  • Louise Nieder-Heitmann

    Make sure to follow @stranahan for critical information on Epstein and how Dershowitz and his side kicks are trying to pretend to expose Dershowitz but actually they are protecting him/themselves and want critical documents sealed. Follow @ali for critical information on various politicians. Follow @jackposobiec for critical news out of DC. Follow @georgwebb for more information on Epstein and many more re weapons dealings etc.

  • James Bold Comedy
    James Bold Comedy Month ago

    Jimmy inspires me - even though he is a sick bastard indeed of therapy!

  • SkaterBlades
    SkaterBlades Month ago +1

    0:54 That lady in the middle wearing red is not happy XD

  • Just Sum Geek
    Just Sum Geek Month ago

    Woman in the crowd at 58 seconds looks mortified

  • ashleelmb
    ashleelmb Month ago

    5 minutes of awesomeness!

  • Russell Jackson
    Russell Jackson Month ago

    world cricket test

  • lee brown
    lee brown Month ago +3

    Remember when comedy used to be a thing before the media started saying everything is hate speech, I miss those days

  • Cristian Gavrilescu

    repent yourselves, read the bible, help poor people.

    • Sofia
      Sofia Month ago +2

      Cristian Gavrilescu nah

  • Amducyas
    Amducyas Month ago

    What's a husbands voice???

    • daAnder71
      daAnder71 Day ago

      Her* husband's voice. She was blind, he was pretending to be her husband - get it?

  • Paul Marshall
    Paul Marshall Month ago

    ''Who picks up Guide dog shit?''

  • James A
    James A Month ago

    So it's not that the camera man has a weird fetish with Jimmy ' s face and zooms in on it till all you can see is Jimmy ' s big ,fat,completely enlarged, billboard sized, the grill of a Mack truck after a head on collision, moon shaped face, Jimmy ' s face is just really that big! Funny act though.

  • Sean Price
    Sean Price Month ago +2

    69% of these lines aren't even funny

    • Sean Price
      Sean Price Month ago

      @mc finn fuck

    • mc finn
      mc finn Month ago

      This comment puts me in an awkward position

  • Miguel Rodriguez
    Miguel Rodriguez Month ago

    Maybe i missed it, but light the tampon fuse of this bitch...

  • CrackerBarrelKid52
    CrackerBarrelKid52 Month ago


  • jack butters
    jack butters Month ago +1

    the lady's face at 0:55 is brilliant

  • sopwithpuppy
    sopwithpuppy Month ago +7

    Yesterday I saw a transvestite wearing a micro-mini skirt...that showed a lot of balls!

  • dsmyify
    dsmyify Month ago

    Quagmire? Giggidy.

  • Gokul Suresh
    Gokul Suresh Month ago

    Hate this guy

    • Sofia
      Sofia Month ago

      Why are you here then ..

    • mc finn
      mc finn Month ago

      Found the *cunt*

    • Derek Harrison
      Derek Harrison Month ago +1

      but still you manage to be here , to type this

  • Herbie George
    Herbie George Month ago +1

    the woman's face in the crowd at 0:50

  • Rachael Cazian
    Rachael Cazian Month ago +1

    The omelette line though...😂

  • del liberate
    del liberate Month ago +1

    The best one liner from this smug annoying bellend will be his dying breath death rattle/gurgle...

  • Jim Timber
    Jim Timber Month ago +2

    A comic genius ! 👍

  • HORN Aquatics and aviaries

    Free tommy

  • John Karavitis
    John Karavitis Month ago

    Okay, so when's the comedy going to start? [Ba-dump-dump]

    • Quickfingers
      Quickfingers Month ago

      If you want his comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mum's teeth.
      Just kidding...she swallowed the lot.

  • John Karavitis
    John Karavitis Month ago

    Listening to this guy's predictable (and ultimately boring) schtick, and I'm thinking "There but for the grace of God..."

  • Joe Mmm
    Joe Mmm Month ago

    0:53 damn, she didn't like that one

    • GameCrawler
      GameCrawler Month ago

      She didn't like the one at 0:13 either.
      Clearly has a distaste for guide dog jokes lol.

  • Tom The Tit
    Tom The Tit Month ago

    As much as I admire him as a comedian. He’s still utter wank!

  • Static Void
    Static Void Month ago

    you're a fucking robot. there's no way you have a soul.

    • Static Void
      Static Void Month ago

      ...the weirdest alien motherfucker i've ever seen. he's beyond the spectrum. gross.

  • Lord Tachanka
    Lord Tachanka Month ago

    *aH aH aHHH*

  • Joseph O'Neill
    Joseph O'Neill Month ago +1

    Funny stuff Jimmy thank u!

  • TKD Chelsea
    TKD Chelsea Month ago +2

    Can't wait to see him live in November

  • TheComedyClownfish
    TheComedyClownfish Month ago

    I don’t get the « who picks up guy dog shit? » joke

  • LuiDeca
    LuiDeca Month ago

    it's the first time i see footage of this show with the live band. is it available anywhere?

    • Tracey A
      Tracey A 26 days ago

      its one of his live DVDs but can't remember which one off hand. Might be "making people laugh" from 2010-ish

    • LuiDeca
      LuiDeca Month ago

      @mc finn *laugh track*

    • mc finn
      mc finn Month ago


  • linden pu
    linden pu Month ago +3

    3:18 what is that separates us from the animals? ....
    the mediterranean sea

  • Smilin'
    Smilin' Month ago +1

    Telling my family these jokes

  • JoeNoobie
    JoeNoobie Month ago

    What a fucking hack.

  • Bill Smith
    Bill Smith Month ago +1

    You are amazing, phenomenal acting.

  • Diggy dillons
    Diggy dillons Month ago +7

    What separates us from the animals?


  • MrHEC381991
    MrHEC381991 Month ago +3

    People with HIV always look depressed,
    they should have a positive outlook on life.

    • Justin M
      Justin M Month ago

      His joke about Africa, HIV and mosquitoes is pretty funny too.

  • Lewis Craig
    Lewis Craig Month ago

    What’s the hardest part about fucking a bald pussy?

    Putting the nappy back on afterwords

  • Aye Eye
    Aye Eye Month ago +4

    How could you not find Jimmy Carr funny 🤷🏾‍♂️ 😂😂😂😂

  • Eraldo King
    Eraldo King Month ago +33

    I'm so glad Jimmy Carr made a TheXvid account. He is a comedy genius!

  • Darryl of Sussex
    Darryl of Sussex Month ago +61

    He was amazing against Nadal today. Truly blessed with talent.

  • MrDblStop
    MrDblStop Month ago +3

    "I went to see a hypnotist show, and really enjoyed it... Which made me suspicious..." Reminds me of Mitch Hedburg.

  • Michael Pondo
    Michael Pondo Month ago

    I would love to see. Jimmy roast trumps fat ass. He d have a field day with thst turd.

  • Brandon White
    Brandon White Month ago +1

    Damn reptillions are funny.

  • New Message
    New Message Month ago +19

    The fact that the very next shot after the lubricant joke looked like his crotch was smoking made me laugh coffee through my nose.

    Worth it.

  • Wiji RS
    Wiji RS Month ago +1

    Just too scripted and too much of a “show” for me with sitcom type punchlines. If he was able fit these jokes in with a natural flow and had a more natural atmosphere it would be better. Just MY opinion.

    • Wiji RS
      Wiji RS Month ago

      Blazervitch I’ve been listening to Theo Von and Karlous Miller quite a bit lately

    • Blazervitch
      Blazervitch Month ago +1

      @Wiji RS fair enough, i disagree - if you want someone with a natural atmosphere maybe try Lee Mack on "Would I lie to you?"

    • Wiji RS
      Wiji RS Month ago

      Blazervitch I’ve watched every special he’s ever done. He tries to be edgy, but the joke is very foreseeable and it’s usually cliche. I want to like him because of his topics along others things, but it’s all just too much of a show.

    • j p
      j p Month ago +1

      The obvious punchlines and deadpan humor, is the point. And these are just bits and pieces from hour long shows. Come on now.

    • Blazervitch
      Blazervitch Month ago +2

      He does if u watch a full show

  • Kevin Füchtmann
    Kevin Füchtmann Month ago +4

    0:55 the women in the middle is like "OMG"

    • Big Ben
      Big Ben Month ago +1

      She wasn't too impressed at the blind dog joke at 0:13 either. Lol. 🇬🇧

  • Ste S
    Ste S Month ago

    Fuckin mint Jimmy Carr is funny af😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅

  • ardvarkkkkk1
    ardvarkkkkk1 Month ago


  • AngryDuck76
    AngryDuck76 Month ago +2

    Venison is dear.... Lol

  • DarkChesireCat
    DarkChesireCat Month ago +12


    She does not look impressed

    • stoatythesecond888
      stoatythesecond888 Month ago

      @Devin McDowell Yeah I don't think she's the right audience demographic for Jimmy's shows...

    • Devin McDowell
      Devin McDowell Month ago

      She shows up a second time too, still looking pissed.

  • TommyBoy8771
    TommyBoy8771 Month ago +1

    You mean his only one liners. Dude's been using the same material for a decade

  • Brand
    Brand Month ago +4

    anyone knows which show he was on that had that live band and smoky backdrop?

    • Davee Dee
      Davee Dee Month ago +2

      That was part of his stage shows recorded for DVD.