Jimmy Writes Greetings Cards | Jimmy Carr: Comedian

  • Published on Nov 12, 2019
  • One area of life where comedy lets me down is greetings cards but I can never think of anything funny to write in them. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
    The Official Channel for the biggest face in British comedy (literally the biggest face - it's like the moon.)
    For the latest tour dates and tickets: www.jimmycarr.com/live/
    #JimmyCarr #Comedy #StandUp
  • ComedyComedy

Comments • 157

  • titouan bouyer
    titouan bouyer 4 days ago

    "happy birthday david thank you for curing my wife was way better"

  • Dub Agent mahlatse
    Dub Agent mahlatse 25 days ago +2

    How are the people who dislike this vedios...what are they. ..where they from...

  • Sammy Boas
    Sammy Boas 25 days ago

    Dangerous, but absolutely gold.

  • Jam Pig
    Jam Pig 25 days ago

    ha ha HAR!

  • The Man
    The Man 27 days ago

    why is it i search for CRIMEBODGE and i get this?
    smooth tube, real classy!

  • JoJo
    JoJo 28 days ago +3

    If you didnt get the "Congradulations! You're 18" joke at 4:29, a "stone" is a British unit for weight equivalent to 14 American lbs.

    • JoJo
      JoJo 17 days ago

      @Jodie Roberts ... ):

    • Jodie Roberts
      Jodie Roberts 18 days ago

      Do you mean congratulations?

  • Edward Mcloughlin
    Edward Mcloughlin 28 days ago

    Jimmy Carr is the worst comedian that I’ve ever witnessed.

  • Superior Being
    Superior Being 28 days ago

    Did he blob up again? Or is this just an old video?

  • Brian Servin
    Brian Servin 29 days ago

    Can anyone explain the "I'm sure it's benign" punchline?

    • Brian Servin
      Brian Servin 28 days ago

      @Jean Kennedy thanks mate

    • Jean Kennedy
      Jean Kennedy 29 days ago

      When he says "exam", everyone assumes it's for school. But then it turns out they've been examined for cancer -- and he's "sure it's benign".

  • Jo Smo
    Jo Smo 29 days ago +1

    1:23 *THANKYOU* now I know what to write

  • Richard Gaylord
    Richard Gaylord 29 days ago +4

    Lol hi there Jimmy, can’t even imagine what u brows TheXvid for🤣

  • Wayne Pantry
    Wayne Pantry Month ago

    Jimmy said he had something wrong with his wrist, I yelled out " too much masturbating " but nobody heard me. Maybe I should of been there. .i.

  • dave smith
    dave smith Month ago


  • gold star
    gold star Month ago

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  • Pickle juice
    Pickle juice Month ago +47

    The most riskiest stand up routine I have ever seen

  • laurence cope
    laurence cope Month ago

    Not at all funny.

    • Troy Staunton
      Troy Staunton Month ago

      laurence cope nah this pretty funny. Not his best but not everything can be your best.

  • SubjectRandom
    SubjectRandom Month ago +1

    This is classic Jimmy Carr, pure laughs all the way through, especially through some of the ladies (possibly some of Jimmy's actual thoughts), who knows.

    • SubjectRandom
      SubjectRandom 29 days ago

      @TheGinnnnnnger I've seen one of them where he lets a woman and a guy actually lick his face! 🤣

    • TheGinnnnnnger
      TheGinnnnnnger 29 days ago

      Check out some of the videos where he does his meet n greets after the shows to sign autographs. 🤣😂

  • Paul Phillips
    Paul Phillips Month ago

    This guy is fucking sick, he should spent less time in make up and more time sticking his head in a gas oven

  • Mike
    Mike Month ago +7

    love it when he emotionally scars audience members for life

  • o0OeftichisO0o
    o0OeftichisO0o Month ago

    Hm this Routine of yours isn't that good. Love the other stuff more

  • Jacob Kauffman
    Jacob Kauffman Month ago

    Entertainment for the low class.

    • Ed Lake
      Ed Lake 25 days ago

      @Jacob Kauffman the word class literally comes from the class system in the UK. Americans have no class, just money. Class cannot be bought, and is just a form of antiquated, formalized snobbery. The upper classes are also well known for being depraved and fucked up anyway.

    • Jacob Kauffman
      Jacob Kauffman 26 days ago

      @Angry Ted You are not very intelligent are you? Oxford and Cambridge are nothing special. Not like Harvard and Yale in America.

    • Jacob Kauffman
      Jacob Kauffman 26 days ago

      @Angry Ted Going to A Prestigious University does not prove anything about the class of the person. You can be low class an go to Ocford or Cambridge.
      Carrs comedy is vile and only low class people find it funny.
      You are not very intelligent are you?

    • Angry Ted
      Angry Ted 26 days ago

      @Jacob Kauffman My brother is doing his PhD at Oxford currently, my other brother graduated from Oxford and my Great grandfather was a Professor there. No, I went to Cambridge; the computing faculty is superior. I live 35 miles from Oxford and 3 miles from Jimmy Carr's school in Buckinghamshire. Jimmy is comedy royalty in the UK and hosts multiple TV shows.
      I do apologise if I misunderstood your comment that you consider this comedy entertainment for low class; this is considered fine entertainment by all classes in UK.
      Are you in USA?

  • Harven Hunter
    Harven Hunter Month ago


  • Andre P
    Andre P Month ago +6

    Hey what I can I say, I love these high school girls. I keep getting older and they just stay the same age.

  • Oldbatwit
    Oldbatwit Month ago

    Good luck in your new jumper.

  • mightlife
    mightlife Month ago +3

    The 16 joke was masterful!

  • David H
    David H Month ago +2

    This man is one of very few kings of humor.

  • Matthew Lea
    Matthew Lea Month ago

    I thought this said Jimmy White,

  • MrUtubewatcher420
    MrUtubewatcher420 Month ago +2


  • Josh Buckley
    Josh Buckley Month ago

    Is 17 legal in the UK?

    • Josh Buckley
      Josh Buckley 17 days ago

      @Jodie Roberts seems weird but if he isnt breaking then law then I'm not one to judge

    • Jodie Roberts
      Jodie Roberts 18 days ago

      Josh Buckley Regardless of the age of consent it IS odd to chat to someone so young like that but that’s exactly why he did it 😅 people say age doesn’t matter & it doesn’t for the most part but of course in certain circumstances.

    • Josh Buckley
      Josh Buckley 18 days ago

      @Jodie Roberts Australia. I believe its 17 but ive never had a need to look into those laws 😅

    • Jodie Roberts
      Jodie Roberts 18 days ago

      Josh Buckley Why where are you from? It’s 16 in most of the western world? Younger in other parts of Europe.

    • Josh Buckley
      Josh Buckley Month ago

      Haha fair enough. Seems real weird Jimmy saying that to a 17 year old 😂😂😂

  • Sean Connors
    Sean Connors Month ago +48

    Jimmy Carr - what happens when the filter was never installed.

  • Jac Crystal
    Jac Crystal Month ago +4

    Jimmy's path to comedy is paved with bad intentions.

  • S Miller
    S Miller Month ago +1

    Jimmy always brightens the day 🤣

  • bobbybigboyyes
    bobbybigboyyes Month ago +1

    I love you Angel Eyes!!! x x x x x x x x And I love you too Jimmy, though you need to get sleazier!!

  • Bodragon
    Bodragon Month ago +2

    Wow !
    I like that table.

  • Toughen Up, Fluffy
    Toughen Up, Fluffy Month ago +23

    "You're having a baby" -I'm having roast beef on rye.

  • Marino Buneta
    Marino Buneta Month ago +2


  • Jake M.
    Jake M. Month ago +1

    When was this filmed?

  • Hot cock
    Hot cock Month ago +2

    "I like pediatrics"

  • Hot cock
    Hot cock Month ago +2

    Love 16 and 17 year old girls.

    • Trevor De Vries
      Trevor De Vries 29 days ago +1


    • Andre P
      Andre P Month ago +2

      Hey what I can I say, I love these high school girls. I keep getting older and they just stay the same age.

    • Hot cock
      Hot cock Month ago +1

      @Michael Gibbs Well, I'm a bit older.

    • Michael Gibbs
      Michael Gibbs Month ago +2

      Please tell me you're a 16 or 17 year old or you forgot the word "the" between "love" and "16".

  • Hot cock
    Hot cock Month ago +3

    Obviously he meant today.

  • Sam Ludendorff
    Sam Ludendorff Month ago +1

    I saw a girl I know on tinder, I swiped left. Will she see me on there?

    • Troy Staunton
      Troy Staunton Month ago

      Sam Ludendorff yeah but she won’t know if swiped on her or not.

  • Espeonage the Espeon Spy

    My favorite thing to add to Get Well Soon cards is "... or die trying."
    Did that with my great uncle when his kidneys were failing. My uncle got a chuckle out of it.

    • geoh7777
      geoh7777 Month ago +1

      @Espeonage the Espeon Spy "I've come to understand that death is just a natural part of life."
      I'd always heard that it is absence of life and thus not a part of it.
      Dying also has much more to do with death also.

    • 005 AGIMA
      005 AGIMA Month ago +1

      @Espeonage the Espeon Spy lol ah Super Soakers :D And actually...my wording was poor. I will "die". But I will never experience "death" ;)

    • Espeonage the Espeon Spy
      Espeonage the Espeon Spy Month ago +3

      @005 AGIMA *looks down the sights of my Super Soaker CPS 3000*
      You sure about that?

    • 005 AGIMA
      005 AGIMA Month ago +4

      @Espeonage the Espeon Spy Fact....I'll never die in my life time.

    • Espeonage the Espeon Spy
      Espeonage the Espeon Spy Month ago +2

      @S Miller Dude, it happened years ago. I've come to understand that death is just a natural part of life. No point in crying about something that we're all going to go through.

  • t e r I N E E D L E R
    t e r I N E E D L E R Month ago +3

    Jimmy looks like a blow up doll in
    the thumbnail photo the way he’s
    got his mouth open in that O
    shape! Now if I could spell a word
    that can be the universal word to
    convey that backwards inhaling
    laugh of his. I’ve tried imitating it
    and have heard people do it
    without knowing until I told them
    whereupon others agreed.

  • Brian T
    Brian T Month ago +9

    I was wondering why TheXvid thinks this video needs an ad for laxatives in front, but it soon became clear when Jimmy got to the bumsex bit. Ow.

  • Shailesh Rana
    Shailesh Rana Month ago +1


  • Andy Pitkin
    Andy Pitkin Month ago

    He should headline the Democrats conference.

  • Sami P
    Sami P Month ago +2

    Does Jimmy read the comments?

    • Pamela Cass
      Pamela Cass 28 days ago

      Why should he?

    • Jizz Fandango
      Jizz Fandango Month ago +2

      Only if it’s tax deductible

    • xilo301
      xilo301 Month ago +1

      He's rich and famous. I think he only read messages if he's paid a lot of money for doing that.

  • Big BigFoot
    Big BigFoot Month ago +16

    Jimmy Carr saves my sad evenings here in Russia. Thanks god he exists with his comedy. I'm talking about Jimmy Carr

    • GuyOnYouTube
      GuyOnYouTube Month ago +1

      Who you talking about?

    • Big BigFoot
      Big BigFoot Month ago

      @YO MUMMA what do you mean by that?

    • MrUtubewatcher420
      MrUtubewatcher420 Month ago

      Thank you for your comment about Jimmy Carr.

    • xilo301
      xilo301 Month ago

      Jimmy is sure sending greetings cards to all people alone in the world.

    • YO MUMMA
      YO MUMMA Month ago +1

      but isn't russia going offline?

  • New Message
    New Message Month ago +106

    I sign every work card with "I'm the one who does things to your pack lunch", and an indecipherable signature squiggle.

    • onoSVK
      onoSVK Month ago

      New Message wait you are also the message from QI aint you?

  • Mike Hersee
    Mike Hersee Month ago +89

    I think I need to reverse engineer him to work out how he comes up with so many jokes

    • indifferent
      indifferent 28 days ago +1

      @Skyrilla not the first time, was it?

    • noredine
      noredine 29 days ago +5

      the secret is his reverse laugh

    • Skyrilla
      Skyrilla Month ago

      I missed the part where this was funny.

  • Mrs. Robinson
    Mrs. Robinson Month ago +1

    I still said, " Awwwwww" at all of these.

  • GhostDcuo
    GhostDcuo Month ago +5

    classic jimmy

  • Mikey McMikeFace
    Mikey McMikeFace Month ago +3

    I'm offended. 😎

  • Daniel Cassabon
    Daniel Cassabon Month ago +212

    "Excuse me, where is the Die With Dignity card section?"

    • SHY One
      SHY One Month ago +2

      In the little gift shop at Dignitas.(probably spelled that wrong)

  • Jamie Sucie
    Jamie Sucie Month ago +11

    I think it’s kind of funny that my 2 favourite comics are Jimmy and Fluffy. Both on 2 very opposites sides.

  • Sean Heupel
    Sean Heupel Month ago +13

    My friends know that when I die, I want to be buried whole (no autopsy and no drugs to preserve me). My casket is supposed to read "Free kisses", and my gravestone will read "Get well soon" (I literally have this in writing, along with which folders on my computer NOT to open). Keep doing what you do, sir.

    • Steve Peake
      Steve Peake Month ago

      Spike Milligan wanted to be buried inside a washing machine to confuse archaeologists and wanted his tombstone to read ‘I told you I was ill!” but the church authorities would not allow this. Instead the words were translated and written in the Irish language. RIP Spike

    • Sean Heupel
      Sean Heupel Month ago

      @Mikey McMikeFace My goal was simply to remind people of what they were missing, then allowing them to get their well-wishes over with. No sense turning over in the grave, unless it's a good time.

    • Mikey McMikeFace
      Mikey McMikeFace Month ago +1

      Yeah, they'll look at those first. Protip: True Crypt or vera or whatever.

  • Monki
    Monki Month ago +107

    Love the fact that they put "Comedian" in the titel....just in case someone forgets and takes him serious

    • geoh7777
      geoh7777 Month ago

      @ZCAB ""Comedian" is the name of the special this is from."
      And I hope some drudge thought that up and not Carr.

    • Kolin Mademe
      Kolin Mademe Month ago +1

      @Tayfun Bilgi Interesting. I'd say it's not ALL true, but some elements are obvious. There's even a misspell text generator..

    • Kolin Mademe
      Kolin Mademe Month ago

      @Monki 😂 🤣

    • Brett Rowley
      Brett Rowley Month ago

      @Kolin Mademe If that were true, then every 3 letter word should be spelled correctly. 'you' 'but'

    • Tayfun Bilgi
      Tayfun Bilgi Month ago +1

      @Kolin Mademe That is not true at all though. www.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/people/matt-davis/cmabridge/

  • JeremyK 541OR.
    JeremyK 541OR. Month ago +6

    Literally my favorite sketch

    • xilo301
      xilo301 Month ago +1

      Its a very good one.

  • theRealRindberg
    theRealRindberg Month ago +11

    This is one of your best and most offence videos :D

  • Thicc Pepe
    Thicc Pepe Month ago +3

    Best greeting card is the one you got from the IRS