Reading My Anorexia Diary | How Everything Changed

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  • Published on Jul 29, 2018
  • I'm reading my anorexia diary because I think it briefly describes my transition from 'wanting' recovery to taking action to recovery.
    I often think about how much time I have wasted trying to be the unicorn who figured out how to have my eating disorder and recovery at the same time. You can't. And, I don't care to try anymore.
    INSTAGRAM: rebeccajleung
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Comments • 258

  • greenliter1
    greenliter1 Month ago

    It’s awkward being someone who is a normal weight (slightly heavy) person who looks to be healthy, but I have 3 versions of myself: healthy eat food to make you feel good, unhealthy eat everything in sight, and unhealthy the hunger is good mindset. But no one knows unless I tell them and even then I don’t fit into a category

  • theLoobsTubes
    theLoobsTubes 2 months ago

    Would love to read like a biography from you... you help me with this more than you may think

  • Anfel Nasri
    Anfel Nasri 4 months ago

    Ok I'm. Trying to recover from bulimia. But i did gain weight. Ans md im not haooy now its been 3 days since i ate and now im so scared to eat because if i start i know the i wont stop and its going to make me purge

  • Kirby Dufour
    Kirby Dufour 4 months ago +1

    You are absolutely beautiful...always have been, no matter what! You are smart and I admire your strength! ♥️

  • AstroPuff
    AstroPuff 4 months ago

    I think anorexia stems from loneliness. That’s what it sounds like to me for your stories. You moved around a lot as a kid when you just needed your family and friends. I’m not trying to pass ignorant judgement, I am just telling you what I think. Good luck with everything and recovery.

  • Queen Lia
    Queen Lia 4 months ago

    omg im watching this video exactly 1 year after it was posted thats creepy hahah

  • basicallykermittbh
    basicallykermittbh 5 months ago

    7:06 - 7:30 I have a neurological disorder. It started a year ago. Every day I’ve dealt with intense, debilitating pain. And what you said describes exactly how I feel: ashamed, worthless, and hopeless. it just made me realize that I’m not trying to recover and live because it’s *hard.* so, really, thank you. I needed that.

  • Fuchs.'
    Fuchs.' 6 months ago

    I would like to know what you are working? 😊

  • Tha Melo
    Tha Melo 6 months ago

    how did u deal with weight gain?

  • Martyna Pietrowska
    Martyna Pietrowska 6 months ago +3

    This video is one of my favourite of yours i can strongly relate. pls consider doing part2 love❤

  • Laura ღ
    Laura ღ 6 months ago

    I found an old poem I wrote about my sister seeming jealous of my eating disorder, I feel like I've replaced it with alcohol and I can't eat now.

  • DєѧԀ Pooʟ
    DєѧԀ Pooʟ 7 months ago

    I literally only clicked because of the dog, no lie. I know, I know, I'm the worst, sorry.

  • Jenny Katt
    Jenny Katt 7 months ago

    "fat free JK" "ITS JUST A SIGN" HUH LOL considering I just started watching yer videos and my online shop is jk.fatfree shop loooooooooool maybe it IS A SIGN SHHHH *chews a carrot*

  • Lara Sorrentino
    Lara Sorrentino 8 months ago +1

    This was one of your best Videos, it helped me understand my recovery a Bit more as well so THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!❤️❤️❤️ love u ur soooo beautiful 😘😘😘

  • Weishennie V
    Weishennie V 8 months ago

    I am having problems recovering and hope to be like you one day. But anorexia has become such a big part in my life that letting go hurts like a bitch

  • tan7
    tan7 9 months ago

    Thank you so much for this. I am experiencing something very very familiar with you. This helps a lot.

  • Bedoshruti Gayen
    Bedoshruti Gayen 9 months ago +1

    so relatable. I am a 12 year old. After losing 4 pounds I lost my periods. I do eat less than what I should eat and there's a calculator in my head which calculates the calories I eat. I try to eat more, but I feel so stuffed and comfortably full. I still don't have my periods. You can see my ribs lightly and I look sick even though I am not. I love to exercise and enjoy early morning workouts. I am so confused.
    love from India

  • flyxngunxcorn
    flyxngunxcorn 9 months ago +1

    Omg feeling everything your reading

  • Bahar Shokoohi
    Bahar Shokoohi 10 months ago +7

    OMG that's exactly where I am right now and needed to hear it from someone who's committed to full recovery. 🙏🏽
    I'm sooooo exhausted from yo yoing & living with fear & pain... I want no I need to eat unrestrictively NOW but the fear of losing control & weight gain is killing me. How did you just keep eating out & not give in to fear of weight gain?? & did your body change dramatically as a result? I'd appreciate if you could pleaseeee explain a little more about the time you really delve into recovery. lots of love🙏🏽💕

  • Madison Gurney
    Madison Gurney 10 months ago +2

    Life is so much more than being skinny and looking like a ghost and controlling everything so you can’t enjoy life. You are stunning and so strong to take charge in your recovery and your helping so many other people to

  • Syrollesse
    Syrollesse 10 months ago

    I really can relate to how you feel but I am not underweight and I can't really seek any help for my ED and have no support at all and idk what to do tbh it just feels like if no one cares about me then why should I... And I just keep falling into it every time. I don't have any friends and I'm all alone pretty much and I guess it's how it will always be for me. I just feel so hopeless.

  • ethan chaste
    ethan chaste 11 months ago +2

    As you read these,I skipped around my own journal and looked at what i was doing during the same months/years that you had written in your diary _ I wasn't surprised to find that my disorder was worsening at the same time you were writing about your own disorder

  • Skyler Drake
    Skyler Drake 11 months ago

    Hi what are the symptoms of anorexia

  • little red
    little red 11 months ago +5

    I really needed this today. Thank you.

  • Isabelle Mettan-Ure

    This is very relatable . I’ve been living with Anorexia for 5 years and just continue to relapse .

  • saff 125
    saff 125 Year ago

    yesterday i ate a big bowl of veggie curry (no rice) for dinner. i hadn’t had lunch that day because i couldn’t get myself to eat it. so i was fucking hungry after that curry. i felt terrible about having oat cookies and s chocolate bar after :(

  • saff 125
    saff 125 Year ago +2

    a week ago, i was questioning recovering.
    and then i watched this and realised how much i felt the same.
    today, i’m going to eat at least three meals with snacks. let’s do it.
    i’ve had this relapse for four months and it’s the worse it’s ever been. i’ve never weighed this low. so it scared me and now i do want to recover.its just the ‘how’ that i struggle with

  • F dd
    F dd Year ago

    Is it urban bakery?😏

  • Angie Davies
    Angie Davies Year ago

    V

  • Jackie Trieu
    Jackie Trieu Year ago +2

    So inspiring, thank you ! Keep it up :) love being subscribed to your channel. Ps you’re beautiful ! Girl power xxx

  • Leslie
    Leslie Year ago +4

    Rebecca I really hope your reading this but as you progress with your recovery through your videos it has sincerely helped me believe that I can do the same as well. Your progress is also my progress thank you so much for helping me through this❤️❤️

  • Maddie O'Dwyer
    Maddie O'Dwyer Year ago

    I still struggle to read over my old diary entries, even though it's been four years since I was last inpatient.

  • Wokeupwith Ashli
    Wokeupwith Ashli Year ago +3

    Do you think doing the meals out with your mom is what really made you have the breakthrough to totally commit to unrestricted eating? Thank you for sharing your feelings from when you were sick, I could relate to all of it. You are extremely brave, you go girl xo

  • holly
    holly Year ago

    youre soo pretty

  • H H
    H H Year ago +1

    Ohh hey we were ip at the same time 😬😂

  • Nancy Zhang
    Nancy Zhang Year ago

    what kind of dog is that

  • Estefania Telles
    Estefania Telles Year ago +1

    U inspire me so much ima have my favorite dessert now !!!!! And it’s like this huge challenge and seeing this just kinda motivates me to challenge Ed too

  • look down
    look down Year ago

    When you were talking about staying inside your bedroom all the time i related so much ,on weekends i restrict a lot probaly only eating half an apple or 0 calorie 0 sugar drink and if i ate more than that i would take laxitives or diet pills so on weekends when freinds wanted me to come over i would say my mom dosent let me go to other peoples places or say im busy but really i just did not want to have sit at a dinner table and eat or have candy and chips all around me beacause i know my freinds are going to have that beacause thats what most teens do on weekends they eat junkfood and dont care whats going in there bodies im recovering but its hard

  • Mandy Bunny
    Mandy Bunny Year ago

    You are so pretty

  • Madeline McCrumb
    Madeline McCrumb Year ago +1

    This is so inspirational and beautiful, the ending made me smile :)

  • Sweat__ addict
    Sweat__ addict Year ago +7

    6:35 - 7:30 First time I feel understood in my life.

  • Hanna Kindingstad
    Hanna Kindingstad Year ago +5

    After dealing with an ED for almost five years I've thought that leaving treatment about a year ago meant that I'm recovered. Watching your videos and hearing your story has made me realize that maybe I'm not after all. I need to challenge myself and thanks to you I feel motivated to take new steps in my recovery.

  • Tangerinka410
    Tangerinka410 Year ago

    Amazing journey, congratulations!! Did you also experience weight overshoot and do you think you are weight restored after those two years? Just curious..being at the first stages of recovery I am still a lot concerned about my weight gain :-/

  • levishead
    levishead Year ago +43

    you’re accent is so unique and beautiful im-

  • Allie Cary
    Allie Cary Year ago

    This broke my heart??

  • Lauren Ortiz
    Lauren Ortiz Year ago +2

    This is is really inspiring. I’m only 13 and going trough recovery from anorexia. Watching your videos helps me feel like things will come back to normal.

  • taesapple inthegogodancepractice

    How does she not gain weight with how she eats? Sorry this sentence sounds shitty but idk how else to phrase it?

  • Gina D
    Gina D Year ago +1

    I feel like I have recovered because I am allowing myself to eat so much more than I used to, and I have gained some weight. However I realized just now that I am still stuck in a restrictive mindset because I think that I need to "earn" this food. I run cross country and today I got a horrible race time so I kept thinking that since I was running so slowly I didn't burn enough calories to earn a post race snack or my evening snack. I get extremely anxious when I don't workout and to be completely honest I tell myself I do cross country because it's fun but also partly because it is an easy way for me to do high intensity exercise 5-6 days a week to "earn" the amount of food I am being told to eat. I don't know what I can do about this, any advice from anyone?

  • abby carradine
    abby carradine Year ago +1

    i like how you tied your hair up just to eat cheese cake

    • Rebecca Jane
      Rebecca Jane  Year ago

      haha but somehow it does feel necessary ;)

  • lexoxo
    lexoxo Year ago

    I’ve recently relapsed and your videos are helping me try to pull myself back out of it.

  • Meggie3113
    Meggie3113 Year ago +24

    I have never been diagnosed with an ED but I have been underweight all my life. 'I just have fast metabolism' -me every time someone asks my how come I'm so thin. Listening to your entries and watching your other videos has made me realize that I too have a bad relationship with food. I'm always tired and have low energy and I never knew why. I just wrote some excuses on why I don't eat more but I decided to delete them and make a promise to myself to no longer restrict (and maybe ask for help too). Thank you so much for your videos ❤✨

    • Ur Mom
      Ur Mom 4 months ago +1

      Meggie3113 congrats

  • 777
    777 Year ago

    inspiring

  • Hmea
    Hmea Year ago

    ❤️

  • Alexa Huerta
    Alexa Huerta Year ago

    OMG! I understand completely because I have anorexia, this is complicated, read that, but is a process and you inspired me Rebecca!

  • Fight4you M
    Fight4you M Year ago +2

    Is it not just a constant battle?!? I’m 40 and I STILL struggle. I just ate a donut and I’m beating myself up over it. I mean I hate it. Good days and bad days I guess. You definitely inspire me and I’m so proud of you 🙏🏼❤️

  • Angelica’s Recovery

    You’re such a strong person, I hope one day I can be like you.

  • Sophie Valentina
    Sophie Valentina Year ago +1

    You're so inspiring!i wish when I was at my worst that I had was able to actually step ball and look at it the way you did.Im currently tryna put up like 2kg (yah I know like it's nothing agha😂)and aiming to be more like you in the sense that I can rationalize things instead of making life harder for myself .Btw your stunning 😂💕xx

  • Shoham Amar
    Shoham Amar Year ago

    Just need to tell you... you are so brave and basically amazing! I adore you and your journey! Thanks for sharing✨🙌🏻

  • Sonchika
    Sonchika Year ago +11

    I actually got teary eyed listening to your diary, since I had anorexia for a few years even though I denied that I still had it. I only just recovered properly and am learning to love myself. I kept a diary like yours all that time and I'm so happy you're recovering and doing better, because honestly, the road to recovery is hard but sooo worth it. so much love for you

  • Marta Peixoto
    Marta Peixoto Year ago

    arent you ever afraid of getting fat?